Fun dialogue today

Today was a gorgeous, sunny September Saturday. In a country where the sun doesn't shine very often I feel obliged to get out and do something when it's not cloudy or raining. Today was one of the first and only days that would be sunny and above 25 degrees Celsius. Naturally beach was my first choice. I find that often I am the one who has to come up with plans. Aaron claims that's because I'm never content with his, so he gave up and just lets me plan.
Aaron tends to be pretty tired and slightly out of humor on Saturday mornings. So after all breakfast demands had been met, Aaron disappeared back upstairs. I couldn't quite decide what I wanted to do with our day, as he would be sleeping for a while. So I asked Ezra and Micah what they felt like. This was our conversation.

Me: Ezra, what would you like to do today?
Ezra: Eat an apple.
Me: OK, and after you eat an apple what do you want to do?
Ezra: Eat a banana.
Me: OK, and after you eat a banana?
Ezra: Eat a Kiwi.
Me: (getting into the game) OK, and after you eat a Kiwi?
Ezra: (grinning)  uhm,...eat an orange.
Me: OK, now seriously Ezra, what do you want to do today?!
Ezra: Mom, I just want to eat all day.
Me: Oh, never mind! You're no help. Micah, what do you want to do today?
Micah: I just want to stay inside and wear my jamis.
Me: Daddy's boy! You don't want to go to the beach?
Micah: No, I think I'll just stay home and clean the floors for you.

Funny Micah quotes

June 20, 2011


Ezra is jumping about the living room, like a chimpanzee in heat, screaming and yelling, totally hyper.
Micah: Whoa Ezra. You need to calm down. Take some medicine. MO-OM! Ezra needs some GABA (a supplement we used to give him to help him be more calm).

Talking on the skype with grandma and grandpa.

Grandma: Ezra, how is Granny?
Ezra: She's reading a book.
Micah: No. She's an old lady. She's not very strong.

Micah's mini lecture

After six months of trying to find Ezra a school, we've finally found one that is at least willing to see Ezra in person (rather than making all sorts of assumptions based on the label of autism and a low IQ test score). I really hope it works out for Ezra. Anyway, he's very excited to go. His 3 year old brother Micah who has been going to a Dutch playgroup every morning for a year had some words of advice for him.

Micah: You gotta learn friends, Ezra.
Ezra: No, you have to learn friends.
Micah: No, I'm not autistic. You are, and you gotta learn friends. You gotta learn to calm down. And you gotta look in the eyes VEEERY slowly. And when you say something, you gotta say it in Dutch, 'cause kids speak only Dutch here. No one will understand English.

I LOVE IT! Micah totally gets all the things we keep on teaching Ezra. When I look at him he says: good job looking in my eyes mom.

PS: By the way this is a word for word rendition.

Dummies Guide to ruining Easter (or Holidays)

For all you supermoms out there who are not content with celebrating holiday in a normal, relaxed way, and would like some pointers on how to create a big enough mess for yourself, so you can put on your cape to save the day, here it is. This is...um...a friend of mine's guide to ruining Easter (can be applied to any holiday).

1. First things first. When you wake up, give yourself a good mental smack for not getting up earlier to make a huge fancy breakfast.
2. While you're making the kids the special nut, egg, gluten, casein free pancakes they can eat, beat yourself up about the fact that you can't make them their favorite foods, or the big eggs, bacon, and cinnamon rolls breakfast, because they're intolerant to it.
3. While your kids are having a great time finding the eggs you hid the night before, berate yourself for not being able to give them big baskets full of candy, and not having decorated the table with chocolate eggs. If you're tempted to remember the reason why you can't give them those candies, just blame yourself for not giving them a better DNA. 
4. Have high expectations of your kids. Assume that they will behave and be kind just because it's a holiday.
5. While they're eating their candy, feel guilty that you broke down and gave them chocolate eggs.
6. When after five minutes your autistic child reacts to the chocolate and casein, starts screaming, barking, and hurting his younger sibling, remind yourself that it's your fault and feel guilty. (For good measure give yourself a mental kick for believing all these judgmental people around you who call you a strict parent, and have no clue what it's like to have a special needs child.)
7. If you are a Mormon, go to church with huge expectations that everyone else will have grasped how significant Easter is and that they too will want to celebrate this grand occasion with beautiful music, and uplifting talks. 
8. Look for opportunities to be annoyed, like when the meeting starts 8 minutes late.
9. During the sacrament don't focus on remembering the resurrection or Christ. Instead get annoyed at the lack of common courtesy demonstrated by the parent of the screaming child, who won't take her into the hall. 
10. Determine the nationality of the parent, and remind yourself of every time a person with that nationality has lacked common courtesy. Then get irritated at your spouse for taking a job in a country that lacks common courtesy. 
11. When the first speaker announces that you can go to sleep because he'll give a boring talk, take it as evidence that everyone is out to annoy you today.
12. When the second speaker gets up and also demonstrates a lack of courtesy by speaking for 40 minutes, so the bishop has to cut his talk to 2 minutes and dispense with the intermediate hymn, repeat step 10. 
13. When the same speaker who started the meeting late and took up all the time then gets up to close the meeting by giving another mini talk, repeat step 10. 
14. Complain to your spouse, and to anyone who will listen that you don't belong to a church that values music, and good talks. As much as you are tempted, don't remember General Conference talks or MoTab. Just focus on how these talks are ruining your Easter expectations. 
15. If you happen to get happy feelings during church because the primary kids are extra cute, squish them as soon as you can by reminding yourself that you might feel good now, but it's just the calm before the storm.
16. When church is over, and you realize that the potluck isn't happening because it's Easter, berate yourself for not trusting your common sense, which told you early that morning there wouldn't be one.
17. When your autistic child freaks out because he expected a pot luck and there wasn't one, remind yourself that you're a lousy parent.
18. After you get your kids in the car, and your autistic child freaks out even more because you also didn't prepare a lunch box, berate yourself again for not being prepared for every eventuality. 
19. Remind yourself that this situation warrants dining out, and then get very angry because you left your credit card at home. 
20. Get angry at your spouse because he didn't comply with your assumption that he had his wallet, and that he didn't read your mind to bring it. Remind yourself of everything else he does wrong, and take it as evidence for a disastrous marriage.
21. After 30 minutes of crying from your autistic child, first curse scientists for not inventing beaming technology. Blame yourself for not having invented it. Assume your child will starve, or melt down completely. Up your anxiety level, throw caution and blood pressure to the wind by flooring it home. 
22. When you get home and your special needs child acts completely remote, doesn't listen, respond, and switches between hyperactive and despondent, feel really sorry for yourself, and assume that everyone else's life is easier than yours. 
23. Whatever else you do, take yourself and your thoughts seriously. Don't think about the fact that you're being ridiculous and negative. It will ruin all your hard work!

Alright jokes aside here. Dr. Daniel Amen, a noted psychiatrist and author, wrote that everyone has what are called ANT's: Automative Negative Thoughts. They vary depending on which part of our brain is most challenged. Hormone levels really do influence our thoughts as well, so some days during the month you have to fight harder to remember that the world isn't actually rotten, it's just a lack of happy hormones causing you to think so. Some have dark and evil thoughts, some minds readily paint worst case scenarios, some have thoughts of hopelessness, self-hatred, etc. The point is that, although they feel real, they aren't true. They're just thoughts, and when you focus on negative thoughts, you just feel worse. He suggests to write them down and talk back to them. It's pretty funny once you write them down, how ridiculous they really are.

Anyway, hope you found some entertainment in this post. I'm going to go celebrate now how silly I was being today, I mean, er...how silly my friend was today, and enjoy the gorgeous evening, and the feeling of satisfaction one has on a perfect spring evening after eating a lovely Easter dinner.

Beautiful Day

This is a really sunless country in winter time. It basically is overcast and rainy from October to March. However, when the sun does come out, it is sublime. We don't waste sunny days around here. I take the kids to the forest as soon as I can. There is nothing more beautiful to me in nature than the rays of sun shining through thick trees and turning the mossy floor a vibrant green. When the kids then decide to be extra nice to each other, I really feel like I'm in heaven. I try to have my iPod on me at all times so I can record them being nice, not only to remember the blessed event myself, but also as a cunning little parenting technique. They see they get attention for being nice, and they get to watch themselves on the iPod afterward, so they're extra motivated to be kind.

                                                       Batman and Robin!

Ezra can be such a good brother sometimes, helping Micah with his zipper.

The Dog Experiment

My week as a dog owner was very interesting. For one thing I figured out that I'm really more of a cat person, because I prefer their independence. And picking up poop is kind of gross. It might be the size of the dog though, and perhaps I just need a dog that doesn't follow me around everywhere so I can trip over yet another body lying around the floor (I'm referring obviously to my live kids who trail me everywhere, not the dead bodies I keep stashed away on my floor).
The most interesting insight I had into a dog owner's life is that I was suddenly in the "in"-club. I have been going walking in the beautiful Joe Mannweg Forest all year with my kids. Both boys loved Lea and they generally love all dogs. They show their enthusiasm by jumping up and down, laughing, screaming, running up to them and asking (well we're working on that part) to pet them. There were always some friendly people who would give them a little smile and let them pet their dog. Some exceptionally awesome people even let Ezra throw a ball for the dog to fetch it, but in general people gave me the keep-your-psychotic-kids-away-from-my-dog-look. During our week with Lea we walked her every day in that same forest. This time however I was no longer the dog-less mom with psycho kids. Suddenly people were smiling, returning my greetings, and nodding in Lea's direction when she would have a little sniff-up with her fellow four-legged friends. Keep in mind here that this is the same forest, same kids, same trail, same behavior (if anything more exuberant), but now I was getting the benevolent look-how-much-those-kids-love-their-dog-they're-so-cute-look. Perhaps this immediate acceptance comes from a knowledge of what it takes to be a dog owner, the early walks, the training, the brushing, feeding, picking up poop, snuggling, and loving your pet. Perhaps it's just an immediate visual commonality that makes the unfamiliar less threatening. I miss that part.
I'm glad Lea is back with her owner, although I miss the walks with my kids who are now not as motivated to go to the forest and that unspoken bond that people dog owners seem to share.

 I love how Ezra got so used to Lea that he wanted to have contact with her all the time.

 I'm grateful I got to take pictures with my iPod but I wish it would have done the incredible winter light justice. It was truly magical.

 Our favorite place here, the Joe Mannweg forest.

Borrowed Dog

I now have an 8 year old golden retriever lying right outside my living room door. Her name is Leah. She is affectionate, sweet, and currently snoring. I'm taking care of her for a week while her owner is on vacation. The idea is also to see if we want to get a dog. Golden Retrievers and Labradors are of course highly trainable. We had considered the idea of a service dog for Ezra, as they are used more and more for autistic children. We stopped short however at the amount of work training a dog takes, and the alternative of buying a fully trained dog was not financially feasible at $15,000 per dog. Frankly I'd rather buy a horse for that money...a good one. And some fish. Several parents have reported that having a dog helped their child relate more.
I also thought that having a dog would force me to exercise. So far our experiment has proved true on both accounts. Last night I went for a 20 minute walk despite below 0 temperatures, and today with equally chilling weather we went for a one hour walk in the forest with the kids. Running after Leah and throwing sticks for her to catch, motivated the children much more, than just trotting after me. At first Ezra was afraid of the dog. He spent this morning with granny as I had to go to my first day at my new job. It still feels weird that I'm not a working mom. Anyway, when Leah was lying down, Granny got him to get closer and closer to her, until he lay snuggled up next to her. After that, I really could see that his eye contact started increasing during the day. During our walk he even held a hand on Leah's back and ran along side her for 10 minutes. Tonight after dinner he wanted her to come play outside with him. These are all spontaneous interactions. Another plus I didn't consider is that Micah likes having a buddy to hug and play with. He loves animals and gets a very soft cute voice when he talks to them.
Minuses? I don't like having my hands smell like dog, the hair gets everywhere, and I'm not a huge fan of the begging for food.

Adjustments

Alright, I admit. I stayed on until 7:38 pm last night, instead of turning it off, because I can't come upstairs without the kids wanting my attention, so I again didn't get to prepare the meeting enough, and frankly it won't be 7:30 pm by the time I turn it off tonight either, and here's my big justification: my kids are now going to bed later, and then all I have is 10 minutes on the computer. That's not enough to make phone calls. In the evening is the only time I can call the states because of the time difference, and I'm not about to pay long distance when I can use handy dandy google call and call all US numbers for free. So you see darlings, I might extend my computer from 7:15-8:00 pm.
Or is this perhaps a similar phenomenon to dieting, where you say: well I was going to stick with my diet, but then my aunt's sister's cousin celebrated a birthday and I really didn't want to offend her by not eating a piece of cake? Oh, the second piece, you say, why did I eat that? Well, otherwise she might think I didn't like it, right? Or the general addict's reply: well I would have abstained from -fill in the blank- but the kids were just too crazy/ work was just to overwhelming etc.
I don't know. It's possible. I know that I go to bed earlier now, and that being aware of what I'm doing has led to at least four blog posts so far. Not bad.

The other dilemma I have, is now that I'm not mindlessly surfing the internet, I'm dying to use the computer to write, and I also want to do the Rosetta Stone Dutch course. I'm tired of feeling so isolated here. Yes, almost everyone speaks English, and yes I understand Dutch, but that doesn't mean that people speak to me. When I drop off Micah in playgroup all the moms stand around in little clusters chatting, laughing, having some nice social interaction. They all speak English, but no one speaks to me. Most of them grew up right here, so they know each other too. It's very isolating. Most of all I want to be able to speak to the children though.
Anyway, I have so many things, I want to write about and create. Not stories, just thoughts, experiences, like how Ezra amazes me every day with his progress, and that my children acted like absolute angels today. If my kids were always like today, happily playing with each other, sharing, talking, laughing, than I would say that being a mother and parent is just about the greatest thing you'll ever do. Then of course, perhaps I wouldn't see that, if I didn't have to work so hard for it. And can I  just put on my firm grip boots and climb onto my soapbox here? (Of course I can. It's my blog after all and isn't that the point of blogs?)
If you want your children to share and play nicely, there's no way around it: get down on the floor and play with them. Teach them. Tell them what to do, and how to do it, instead of what not to do. For example: if child #1 takes toy away from child #2 and both start screaming and hitting, you just take them aside and say: no, that's not peaceful (if they're older you can explain more). This is how you could do it: Child #1 May I have a turn with that toy? have him/her repeat, and then Child #2 you say: Sure. Celebrate them like crazy, praising them for how nicely and peacefully they were doing it. Reinforce rules kindly but firmly. Explain why and how we do things, and show it to them by playing with them. The parent is the most important educator to the child. Our success in life to a large extent is defined by our social skills and our self-confidence, and no one has greater influence on a child's self-confidence than the parent. He/she will learn more from you than from anyone else. A child invites you to become who you want to be. Be in the world what you want to see in the world.

Anyway, way overtime here and Aaron and I want to go watch a movie. Goodnight friends.

The first 24 hours

I'm sure you're all dying to know what I did after I turned off the computer at 7:30 pm last night...not! But here it is anyway. Don't worry, I'm not planning on giving you a run down every day, but I myself am impressed at how much I got done.

I did in fact turn it off right when I said I would, even though I hadn't even started planning the group meeting for tonight, and in fact should be doing that right now, probably. Anyway, I went downstairs, sat on the couch, and tried myself at doing nothing for a while. It lasted all of two minutes, before I noticed that there were toys everywhere, the kitchen was cleaned only superficially and the playroom was a total disaster area. One thing lead to another, and although I tried periods of just sitting down and relaxing they never lasted longer than two minutes. Apparently I have a very short chill-span. In some ways I think I'm very much like Ezra. He's so hyperactive, always bouncing about from one thing to the next. The only time he slows down is when he reads a book. While I no longer bounce, except perhaps as a passive reaction to my movement, I still move a lot, and only sit still when I read. Anyway, darlings, this is what I did while trying to just chill:

November 15, past 7:30 pm

1. picked up all the toys
2. vacuumed downstairs
3. cleaned dishes
4. cleaned kitchen (2x)
5. sorted out the pantry/closet for stuff to give away
6. organized the toy closet
7. organized pantry
8. did a load of laundry
9. folded a load of laundry
10. put said laundry away (always my least favorite part, frankly)
11. tidied and organized playroom
12. swept playroom
13. prepared a glutenfree pastry crust for a quiche in the morning
14. prepared 3 GFCF muffin and cake mixes
15. prepared tea/coffee for the morning (relax Mormons, it's herbal tea, and cereal coffee)
16. chopped up chicken for chicken nuggets lunch, and prepared the mix for chicken nuggets

All of this took me until about 10:00 pm. The result showed this morning and during the day where things just ran more smoothly, it seemed. Now, if I had set myself a to-do-list like this, I would have done maybe two things, and then would have just thought, meh, who cares, I can do it tomorrow. I was pretty pleased with all I got done, but I would consider my evening just as productive, had I just taken time for myself to play through a Sonata, learn new music, or do whatever just for myself. This is what the option process has taught me and I'm starting to grasp and translate it better every day: happiness is the result of your own choice and belief. You are more likely to be happy, if you do what you do, because you want to do it. If you tell yourself: I have to make breakfast for the kids, I have to clean the house, I have to do this or that, because who else will do it, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If you however see that you're doing it out of love, because you want your children to have a healthy, yummy breakfast, because -and let's be honest here, friends- YOU like the house nice and tidy, and so on, then you're already doing what you want to be doing, without needing anyone else to "give" you happiness by saying thank you or appreciating your efforts.

OK, enough for today. I really need to prepare the meeting for tonight.

First day of computer in moderation

Not bad for my first day, really. I can already see the results today in my new approach. I actually spent probably three hours in front of the computer, but I got the fund-raising letter written, called the appropriate agencies, researched treatments and agencies here in the Netherlands and can say that it was a very productive three hours. And, here I am blogging. So far so good. I did get off the computer yesterday at around 8:15 pm, after I finished writing the last post. I admit it was hard to go to bed without checking my mail or sitting down at the computer, which usually ends up in another 20- 60 min of my time sucked away. Instead of using the computer I went downstairs, made the menu plans for this coming week which surprisingly took an hour, because I had to come up with two plans as I'm doing a special diet right now in preparation for my Thanksgain-a-ton. Aaron and I held a real face to face conversation with some talking involved and then I went to bed earlier than usual and got a decent amount of sleep. Me likey!

I was going to give you an update on us here, but as I started writing, Micah demanded a bedtime story. Clouds on my computer horizon! I came upstairs today to use the computer while Aaron puts the kids to bed, at around 6:30 pm. Usually I stay downstairs so he gets to spend time with them. He typically leaves home at around 7:30 am and comes back between 5-5:20 pm which gives him just a bit less than two hours a day with the kids. Now, that I come upstairs though, the kids want me to read stories, sing, and do bath time. Not so ideal. I'll see what I can do about that. So update will have to wait until tomorrow. Now, one more

OK. It's 7:17 pm and I'm starting to feel antsy. What on earth am I going to do with myself after turning off the computer, and how am going to refrain from just nibbling out of boredom? Yikes. What did I get myself into?

Three month computer-in-moderation experiment

How much time do YOU spend on the computer? How much time is leisure, how much work, research, play? Are you spending hours on your computer browsing facebook or youtube after your kids go to bed? Do you obsessively check your email/facebook/twitter (I don't have twitter, but just to include everyone) to see if someone has emailed you or replied to your thread? Do you fill out quiz after quiz for entertainment or to find answers to questions you wish you knew? Do you measure your value as a person by how many people reply to your posts? Have you looked at pictures of your friends, and secretly coveted their life/house/vacations/job/children/fill-in-the-blank? Have you ever said to yourself: how on earth is it 11 pm already, and then stayed on for no reason in particular? Do you consistently stay up past the point when you're body signals for you to go to sleep? Have you ever chatted with your husband online while you're in adjacent rooms (actually that works quite well for us when we're sharing links and looking at places to move to, as well as when we're arguing, because it removes tone of voice, and encourages thinking before writing. Just saying!)?
I have at some point or other been guilty of all the above, and I deem this no longer a desirable way of living. Mainly I'm just curious how much I could do, and frankly WHAT I would do, if I put my computer time to good use. Let's face it: I can't live without the internet anymore. I don't want to. It's cheap and practical to stay in touch with my family and friends back home in the States, and all over the world. And if people move, it doesn't matter, because I no longer need to keep track of their physical address. And I'm certainly not about to head down to our library in Eindhoven, to research a subject when all they have are outdated Dutch books, that you have to pay for to check out. I wouldn't even do that in the US. Google rocks. Thanks for inventing it. And can I just say: AMAZON!!!


Just FYI we don't have TV in our home. Many people find that bizarre, but we don't miss it. At first I only wanted to watch two shows, but then we would record others on the DVR just out of curiosity. It got to the point, where I felt I had to schedule time to keep up with all my shows. We were amazed at all the time it freed up once we got rid of it. Now that we live in the Netherlands and have few friends, it seems that our free time has gradually shifted towards the computer. I can live without TV. DVD's work fine, and occasional going to the movies. But how do I live with the internet without letting it take over my life, and replace my real life socializing with virtual friendships? Here's my experiment. Since I don't want to live without internet, I will attempt a three month computer-in-moderation plan. I will actually schedule time during the day to do what I need to do, and then cap off my computer time at 7:30 pm at night (except for tonight because I'm writing this lengthy blog post, and Micah wanted extra attention). My kids go to bed at around 7-ish, so I have 30 minutes to write a blog entry, and check email and calendar for the following day.
I find that for me one of the major problems with staying on too late is that I have valid things to do that I really need the computer for. My main online work consists in organizing my son-rise program, creating, editing, and reviewing forms, searching for volunteers, and researching more treatment options for Ezra, and Micah. On the leisure side I would like to create videos and photo albums of the kids, write a novel, or at least update my blog more than once every two months. I also use the computer as a phone book and a cookbook. However I simply don't get to these during the day, because as soon as I sit down in the office, the kids come bouncing in with requests for music, or play, or they get into trouble, because they tend to be aggressive with each other.   I think I'll just do it when the kids are in bed. By the time they are though, I'm just too exhausted, and the last thing I want to do is look for more treatments for autistic children. So I log on, feeling somewhat isolated after a whole day of talking to just my kids and my mom, thinking I'll first catch up with some friends and get some social interaction. And sometimes I do get to skype with a friend and that is fun. YAY, skype inventer. Well done! Best thing invented since google. But other than that I just browse facebook, and watch funny youtube videos to distract myself and relax. The result is, that I get less real interaction with friends, and I probably make less friends here in the Netherlands, because a) I hardly go out because I'm tired, and it's rainy, dark, and cold now, and b) the friends I have online I rarely email them (why email if I can just post in one line how I'm doing on facebook, and aren't they all on facebook?). I get no work done, and then feel more stressed about it, because I have to do it some other time. I go to bed too late, wake up slightly sleep deprived and somewhat groggy, which affects my parenting, and my health, and after one and a half of staying up late, I don't speak Dutch, I've written no novel, found only two stable volunteers, and haven't gotten all that much closer to my friends back home. Bit of a wast of time, huh? To be fair, I did create a website for Ezra, have organized several of our pictures, written blog entries, and have learned a lot about treatment options for him, not to mention the countless research papers and articles I read. Still, I'm hopeful that with budgeted screen time, I will be more productive and happier. Wish me perseverance!

Ezra's Birthday

Where has September gone? And for that matter, October is almost over and here I haven't posted since August.
We celebrated Ezra's birthday recently. It was exciting to see Ezra finally understand what birthday's are about. Now he knows to expect a cake, presents, and a party. We delivered of course. His wish list kept getting longer and longer the closer we got to the event. Of course the flip side of the coin is that true to his autism he's not only excited about his birthday, he now asks to have a cake and party every day.

I have a few very gifted cake decorating friends. I always admire their creations and thought I'd give it creating a themed birthday cake for Ezra a shot. He's really into airports, runways, and planes right now, so I thought I'd try to make him an airport cake (at first I thought of making him a galaxy cake but with no food colorings, no can do). Turns out that a perfectionist with no cake decorating skills has no business in making themed cakes, unless she does the decorating way in advance, instead of spending the morning cursing at her misshapen project, instead of showering her birthday boy with love and affection. It also is less fun to decorate a cake when you can't use any food colorings. Although despite my gluten/casein/food color/preservative free creation he still melted down from all the sugar and had a really hard day after until the sugar left his system. The cake tasted fine though.

We spent the morning unwrapping gifts and playing with them. In the afternoon we went to Ezra's favorite playground to have a BBQ. The weather cooperated beautifully. We stayed out later than usual, so by the time we got home, Ezra was ready for sleep. Day over!

Micah's 3rd Birthday

We had a blast on Micah's birthday. We live in a tiny town called Best, outside of Eindhoven. In this tiny town there is a huge fair once a year, one of the biggest in the Netherlands. 250,000 people visit it and it happened to fall on Micah's birthday. Saturday and Sunday it was horribly hot, so we stayed away, but the temperatures cooled on Monday and Tuesday, so we went and had such a blast watching the kids go on rides. I wanted to get myself a stuffed tiger so badly, that I ended up buying one, because my archery skills are not quite up to par. But at least I hit one balloon, after my first try shooting an arrow.
Micah had a great day, I think, enjoyed all his favorite foods, and especially his new toys.

Micah's 3rd Birthday July 5th 2010

Independence Day, and Micah's 3rd Birthday Party

Micah's birthday is so close to Independence Day that we decided to combine the two events. We had an absolutely brilliant time barbecuing and swimming in our back yard with our friends the Knudsens and the Daams. Ezra and Micah are madly in love with the Knudsens oldest daughter Jori, who has been volunteering for Ezra's son-rise program. She has the most amazing blue eyes. And the three "younger" sons Chris, Malachi, and DJ have acquired hero status in Micah's and Ezra's eyes. Of course any party must include Melissa and Mark with their daughters Kailea and Ella. Our gathering was very merry, and I admit publicly that Sheldon Knudsen was in fact not as biased as I thought, and that Oscar Meyer hot dogs (supplied from the Airforce base, thank you very kindly) really are worlds better than Lidl hot dogs from Europe.

It was fun to see Micah being the center of attention. He was so shy about it, but thrilled too. Usually everything is about Ezra. People come over to play with Ezra in a special room. In reality Micah gets a lot of attention, but it's still different. Micah's favorite present was probably having Jori all to himself. She showered him with attention and he ate it up. Another great gift was that his Opa finally came to visit. He spent time playing with the kids, and treated us to Chinese dinner, and to the awesome fair here in Best. It's one of the biggest in the Netherlands, and more than 250,000 people visit during the course of five days.

Enjoy some the pictures.

4th of July and Micah's 3 Birthday Party July 2010

Potty trained!!!

After 4.5 years Ezra is finally potty trained. Today he went NR 2 in the potty and got the lollipop he had been staring at for the last five months. We hadn't really tried to potty train him before. It was clear he was not ready to give up control. He has been going NR 1 in the potty for close to a year, but only sporadically. Then four weeks ago he decided he wanted underwear and was promptly dry during the whole day, and even the nights. Every time he went potty we praised him for staying dry (not for going potty) and rewarded him with his major motivation, stickers of airplanes. However when it came to going NR 2 he was just terrified and ran away screaming every time. Whenever it was time to go he would get completely undressed grab a diaper, do his business, and then dump it in the toilet and wipe his bum, like I trained him to do. After we came back from the New Frontiers program, we decided to use our new tools to help him go. We simply stopped buying diapers. We were always encouraging, but left it up to him to go. He held it in for three days, refusing to go. He kept asking for a diaper, and I apologized that I didn't have any more. The clever kid even told me which store I could go buy them at. Then today, the third day, he lay miserable in the playroom, and held his stomach. Every time he complained that his stomach hurt, I explained it was because he needed to go to the bathroom. I gave him a bottle of apple juice as a laxative. After waddling around for an hour with a pinched bottom, he finally went NR 2 in the potty. Of course all appropriate parties were notified, and the act duly admired and celebrated. A new helicopter and fighter jet grace the potty page in his sticker book, and the lollipop was greatly enjoyed, and discarded.

Happy New Year 2010

I can't let this New Year begin without an entry. It would seem appropriate to write about my plans and resolutions for the New Year, but instead I want to reflect on the happy holidays that concluded 2009.
It seems that I should even have to postpone this entry as my computer is not working properly.

The short version is: my brother Dave and his girl friend Angie for the Christmas Holidays. It has been 10 years since we spent a Christmas together. Ezra connected instantly with Dave, running to him for kisses at all times. We all had a blast, and loved having them here, cooking together, playing cards, and visiting.

Then for New Year's Eve my dear friend Angela Brower came from Munich to visit me. We spent the day in Amsterdam at the Van Gogh museum and then wore out the ears of our listeners singing Musicals and Disney songs for each other. It was the most fun I have had since arriving in the Netherlands.

Arrrggghh!!!

Micah has been whining that he's hungry since 3:30 pm. I gave him a cracker. He continues to whine until we have dinner...special, yummy fries. Fries, people!!! Then what does he do? Instead of eating he goes off into a corner to play after eating 2 fries. As soon as we're done eating, he resumes his whining for food????It's not like I was feeding him soggy grasshoppers. Meal time is the most stressful part of being a parent. I wish I could just give them a pill and be done with it, or better yet...I wish they would just eat what I make, and then say thank you, mommy. Or even just eat what they ask for. I get yelled at no matter what. Of course Ezra is really picky, presumably because of his autism. Micah copies that. Therefore....arrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

Toddler madness

So I'm sort of writing a book. No, I have no intentions of publishing it, but it's kind of fun to write in book manuscript form. It makes me feel more like a writer. Here is a little excerpt just for fun. I can laugh about it now, but it was sort of annoying at the time.

December 6, 2009

Mommy: Let’s have breakfast. What do you want? (oh and just in case you want to suggest I give them an option between two things. I've tried that, and it doesn't work either)
Ezra: Rice!
Micah, parroting Ezra: Rice!
Mommy: Are you sure Micah? You sure you don’t want toast?
Micah: Micah want rice.
I prepare the rice. Just warming it up in the microwave from yesterday’s left overs.
Ezra takes his bowl and goes to sit down at the table. I give Micah his bowl.
Micah: NO!? No rice.
Mommy: But you asked for rice.
Micah in his high pitched, panicky whining voice he’s perfected: NOooo rice. Wahaaaant toast.
Mommy: I told you, you wanted toast. You asked for rice. Mommy not happy. You’re getting on my nerves.
Micah: Nohoho rice.
Mommy makes toast with butter and jam and gives it to Micah on the pink plate he picked out.
Micah: No toast. Nohooo…all done. No toast.
Ezra: More rice? May I aks mommy, more rice?
Mommy: Sure. Micah are you sure you don’t want your rice?
Micah: NO RICE!
Mommy: OK Ezra. Here’s Micah’s rice.
Micah: NOoooo!!! Rice. Mine. Want rice. No mommy!!!!!!!!!!!! Rice.
Mommy: Here’s your toast.
Micah: No, toast! Want blue plate.
Mommy: But you picked out the pink plate.
Micah: screams. Nooooo, grannyyyyyyyyyy!!!! Runs off crying and goes to the playroom to play.

Sinterklaas and first week of December

The Christmas tree is up and decorated with bows, bears and balls, the vibrant red poinsettias line the window sills, the stockings are up, the Nutcrackers guarding the kitchen window and angels watch over us from every corner of the house. Red bows and a wreath on the table with candle complete our Christmas decor. Santa Clause movies 1 and 2 have been watched, and we are one Christmas Carol away from being in full on Christmas mode.
It has been a rough-ish week. I could tell you all about how Micah and I have been lying around doing nothing, the house falling in disarray because we were both sick, or my week long monotonous diet of rice, apple sauce and toast (you get the idea) but that would be boring. At least I lost 3 lbs this week.
How about the Sinterklaas tradition here in Netherlands? I haven't quite figured out the finer details. Essentially they have the Dutch version of Santa Clause, called Sinterklaas. He wears a red papal hat, carries a papal stick, has the same long red robes as Santa Clause, and a long white beard. His preferred mode of transportation is a steam ship and he arrives on his ship from his permanent residence in Spain, around the 1st of December. His journey and arrival are closely followed by the media, who apparently is in on the charade of juvenile mass-deception. All week long the kids can put a wood shoe out in front of the door and the next morning they can check if there are goodies in it. On December 5th they gather as a family, sing Sinterklaas songs until they are interrupted by a knock on the door. The kids rush to the door but Sinterklaas, fast, professional, and busy, is usually gone by the time they arrive, his presence evidenced only by a pile of gifts for the kids. Disappointed but happy they unwrap the gifts while the grandparents show up, late as usual with apologies and disappointment of having so narrowly missed his visit.
Sinterklaas has a helper called the Black Peter (schwarze piete, sp?). He wears colorful clothes and hands out Peppernoten everywhere, tiny spice cookies. I asked someone why the black pete is black and has curly hair. Apparently he is the chimney sweep that climbs down the chimney to put the presents out for the kids. What I found surprising is that kids and adults during this week dress up as Schwarze pete everywhere. In fact, the Schwarze Piet is as represented as Santa Clause in the malls in the USA.
I went to Ezra's school Sinterklaas. As I was watching the kids go through the Charades I couldn't help but be bored and annoyed. I wondered if I had always disliked these "Shows" as much, or if I had just grown old and cynical. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't remember ever liking them. I didn't mind theater or movies, but I remember rebelling against anything that was trying to be past off as true and that was clearly not. My dislike for Santa Clause probably also came from the fact that the Swiss Version called Samichlaus generated mostly fear. He would come the 6th December. We would gather at a friends house and one of the parents would dress up as Samichlaus. He would have a helper called Schmutzli (Schmutz means dirt), a monk in a brown robe, in charge of leading the donkey with the burlap bags of nuts and oranges. (If you had wealthy parents, they would even arrange for a real donkey at these kinds of gatherings). Then when Samichlaus showed up you had to kneel in front of him and recite a poem. Then he would ask you if you were a good boy/girl that year, and if you were you would get some nuts and oranges, but if you weren't Schmutzly took out his rod and beat you. It was implied that if you were very naughty he would put you in the burlap bag, beat you, and take you back to the black forest (Schwarzwald). Honestly, the Schwarzwald is actually very pretty, but at the time it sounded terrifying.
I was somewhat shy but observant as a kid, and although being terrified I did remark the similarities between the Samichlaus and certain of my dad's friends. I still remember the day that I found the costume in the bottom of my dad's cupboard. I went upstairs and said: A-ha. I knew it! It was very much like the painting from Norman Rockwell of the boy who discovers the suit in the drawer, titled very appropriately THE DISCOVERY (although I wasn't wearing jammis at the time, and I didn't look quite so shocked, because it was only a confirmation of my suspicions).

First Thanksgiving abroad

Aaron loved it. I loved parts of it. No one gets off in the Netherlands for an American Holiday, and so inviting people for a Thanksgiving Eve cooking party or the Thursday dinner was complicated. Instead Aaron went to have CT scan for his cancer check up on Thursday. We planned to have him take the day off Friday and treat ourselves to going to Brussels, our favorite place, and feast on delicious Belgian waffles and chocolate instead of a dead fowl. The plan was so simple, so brilliant, and a bit flawed as we didn't account for the bad weather, which honestly, I'm not sure why we still maintain hope to see sunshine before next May. Even a bit of rain wouldn't have stopped us, but Ezra is sick. He's been getting worse and finally today I just kept him home. He lay around all day. It was precious in it's on way, as he asked to just snuggle with me several times, and then actually lay cuddled up next to me for several hours. We all just hung out around the house, content to play and lounge. That is a bit of a miracle in its own way. At about 2 pm, I started to get restless not having done anything all day besides making a special Dutch pancake breakfast. I started to decorate for Christmas. If only they had Christmas trees for sale already. At least our nutcrackers and angels are in place as well as the poinsettias.
What this experience has taught me is that Thanksgiving is really not about a specific item on the menu. It is the preparing and working towards creating a time, place, and reason for family and friends to come together in peace, and celebrate abundance through taking time off, creating delicious food and enjoying it together (and then going nuts shopping on black friday. Nothing says abundance like a "SALE" sign).
We might still go to Brussels tomorrow. Depends on how Ezra feels.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Alright. It's two days later and I might as well add to this post what happened Saturday and Sunday. The weather was even worse on Saturday, and so was Ezra. I spent the greater part of the day and evening just lying on the couch holding him. He is a cute kid when he's sick, just good natured, and asks: Mommy snuggle with Ezra?
I figured that if we're not going to go anywhere I might as well cook a thanksgiving dinner, so today, Sunday, I did. Some things turned out terrific like the stuffing and the pumpkin bread that I made using an organic pumpkin, no cans. It really has a completely different taste. And Aaron made fabulous mashed potatoes. I'm not sure how the cranberry pear pie turned out because now I have an upset stomach, and Micah has been sick all day with high fever. Ezra was sick all morning but was back to normal by the afternoon. He watched Monsters Inc twice, and in general has been enjoying all the TV watching.