Can Mormons have more than one wife? And do they?

Here is another little Mormon Trivia for the day. I realize that there are way more important doctrinal issues to clarify than this one, but since this is one of the major misconceptions about Mormons, and crazy Warren Jeffs is in the news again, I thought it a good opportunity to set the record straight. (FYI: For the many of you who have googled "having more than one wife" the short answer to the post question is: No. Mormons can't be married to more than one person at a time, so if you were looking for a religion that would give you an excuse to marry another woman, I redirect you to Islam, and you'll have to move to the middle East where it is legal to do so.)
The following is not an official church sanctioned message. This is simply how I as a faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints deal with the issue of polygamy in our church history, and why I do not leave the church just because at one point it did practice polygamy.

So first some facts:

• Yes, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints did practice polygamy at one point in their history. 
• Not everyone was required to marry more than one wife. It was given through revelation and commandment and usually only to leaders. 
• The church discontinued the practice on 26 September 1890. 
• There are in fact some questions about the practice of polygamy in the early church that I have not found the answer to, answered, because there simply isn't enough available or reliable material. However, I accept that I simply don't understand everything in this life. 
• The law (called the law of chastity) by which the members of the church live and are judged today is to not have sex before marriage and be completely faithful during marriage. If someone commits adultery but confesses and repents, typically they get disfellowshipped for a while (which means they are not allowed to take the sacrament, or hold any service positions in the church), or they get excommunicated (which means their names are taken off the records of the church). Depending on the severity of the sin, he/she is either disfellowshipped or excommunicated. However, the idea in this action is not to shun the person and treat him/her as an outcast, but to help them repent, and change their ways. Everyone who wants support will get support. (So for you looking to join the "Mormon Church" so you can have more than one wife, you're looking to the wrong religion.)

First of all the idea of sharing my husband is completely repulsive to me in my current understanding. I do however accept that in this life I do not have a perfect understanding, and so for now I would rather not worry about it. I also had issues with the patriarchs in the Bible having more than one wife, without ever seeming to explain why that was OK. Whenever I have a question such as this "Why would God allow polygamy?" I always look in the scriptures to find my answers, and then I pray about it. I recognize my answers from God in this way: I feel peaceful and clear in my mind, not confused.

There is a chapter in the Book of Mormon written by Jacob, a prophet. In this chapter he chastises the members of the church because of pride. And then he goes on to chastise them for their whoredoms. So this is what he says:
 24 Behold, David and ^aSolomon truly had many ^bwives and concubines, which thing was ^cabominable before me, saith the Lord.

 25 Wherefore, thus saith the Lord, I have led this people forth out of the land of Jerusalem, by the power of mine arm, that I might raise up unto me a ^arighteous branch from the fruit of the loins of Joseph.
 26 Wherefore, I the Lord God will not suffer that this people shall do like unto them of old.
 27 Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any ^aman among you have save it be^bone ^cwife; and concubines he shall have none;

OK, so here we have it. As I believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God, I can see clearly here that the commandment of God is to have only one wife. So, the question then is of course, well why did they have more than one wife in the history of the church and in the bible? Isn't that a contradiction?

A little later in the same chapter, God explains the one exception. 

30 For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up ^aseed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things.

For those who are unfamiliar with scriptural language "raise up seed" means to have children, usually for the purpose of growing a population. So that tells me that polygamy is a means to an end, an exception to the law to fulfill God's purpose. 

So the question to me is, what were the circumstances back in 1800's that led God to command the leaders of the church back then to have more than one wife?
The "Mormons" were persecuted in the US almost like the Jews in Europe. There was nothing short of full blown genocide in the works with the extermination order in Missouri.

They were driven from place to place starting in Palmyra New York. Wherever they went mobs would gather, rape their women and children, tar and feather, torture, and kill their men, and burn their families alive. In addition to that the treacherous treck into unknown territory fleeing from religious persecution claimed the lives of thousands through starvation, freezing, and illness. Many of the men joined the Mormon Battalion which was a volunteer unit of the US military to assist the government in the Mexican American war, despite the fact that up to that point the government hadn't helped the Mormons in the least and put no stop to the religious persecution. Women and children were left husband and fatherless, with no right to earn money or possess anything as was the law of the time they lived in. In order to grow His church, and ensure the many widows were taken care of at the same time, I believe God commanded the leaders to marry more than one wife. It is my personal belief that for the most part that was neither easy for the leaders, their first wives, nor for those who were given to them as wives. I do believe however that the most important thing God gave everyone is free agency. And just like we have the choice to keep his commandments now or disregard them, they had the choice back then as well to follow that specific commandment. Once the church was established in the West and had grown sufficiently strong, God revoked his commandment and had the church return back to the original order of things. Obviously not everyone was happy about it and continued to practice polygamy. 

So, that is how I have come to terms with this part of our history. There are many gaps and holes in the history, and I have to accept that the members and leaders then were imperfect humans, just as they are now. The church was in its infancy and mistakes were made. I don't understand it all, and I really do raise my eyebrows at some things, but at the same time, I can't deny that Book of Mormon really is the word of God. I have experienced so much that I can hold on to the truths that feel right and good.

So back to those "Mormons" who live in the desert, claiming to be Mormons and practice polygamy, and who is Warren Jeffs? Warren Jeffs is the self-proclaimed prophet of the Fundamentalists that call themselves Mormons. Like with any religion there are people who misinterpret what is being said, and they take it too far. So when God through his prophet did away with plural marriage law, not everyone believed this was truly from God. They rejected president Wilford Woodruf, called him a fallen prophet, and broke away from the Church of Jesus Christ of latter Day Saints, and created their own church, calling themselves FLDS (Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints) using some ideas they had gotten and distorting them, like claiming unless a man married three women he could not make it into Heaven. It's really religion gone bad, just like The Spanish Inquisition, The Crusades, or The Jihad. These are all fundamentalists who take a religious pretext to serve their own purposes. Christ warned us that in the 'last days' false prophets would arise, claiming to have the truth in Matthew 7.

 15 ¶Beware of ^afalse prophets, which come to you in ^bsheep’s clothing, but ^cinwardly they are ravening ^dwolves... 18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.... 20 Wherefore by their ^afruits ye shall know them.  

What this scripture means is: if they are good, they will do good. If they are evil, they will do evil, and you can know what kind they are by looking at their works. I can tell you this much though: the loving God I know and believe in would never ask people to kill themselves and innocent people to accomplish his purposes (remember those commandments: Thou shalt not kill, love thy neighbor as thyself, do good to those who spitefully use you?), or to burn people who were trying to understand his written words in the bible, or to cast out your own children, especially the sons, and leave them on the highway, so there are enough young girls for a man to marry. The kind of God I know and believe in loves all of his children, even the ones who are rebellious, even the ones who don't believe in him. He loves us all so much that He was willing to give the life of his only begotten Son so we could ALL return back to him. As a parent if I could have one or both of my sons with me in Heaven, I would want both. And the children who are rebellious, you don't love them less, you want even more for them to get their life in order. So I hope that after reading this, that none of my friends of other faiths remain confused on this subject. 

To read the whole chapter of Jacob 2 see here: http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/jacob/2?lang=eng

Getting Lasik in Turkey

So you're considering having your eyes fixed. DO IT! It's awesome.
You wonder where you should have it done, and want the best? Go to Turkey.
There, that was the short version of this blog post.

Why did I go to Turkey of all places? It's cheaper and they have more experienced doctors. I first found a clinic here to test my eyes for free to verify that I qualified for Lasik. I did. They quoted me about 3500 Euros in price for both eyes getting Femto Lasik with wavefront (I recommend you google Femto Lasik and the various Lasik operations. There is no point in me rewriting all the info out there.) The health insurance would cover 500 Euros of the price, but only at one of their clinics that they contract with. In Turkey I paid 1660 Euros for the same surgery, and got 3 nights at a cute hotel and a tour of the city. And the surgery was performed by one of the most experienced surgeons in all of Europe. So that's why I opted for Turkey. It was my first experience in a Muslim country. The reason it's so much cheaper is because they do more surgeries, and they pay their workers less.

So here is my experience with Blu-medi Travel. It is nicely set up. They work exclusively with Dr. Nusret Bas who has a clinic in Rotterdam and Istanbul. I chose Istanbul nonetheless because I wanted to have some alone time, travel somewhere new, and even with hotel and flight it was still cheaper than Rotterdam. I booked my flight to Ataturk (which I really recommend, because traffic is awful, especially coming from the other airport 2.5 hours away).
Charming Demet picked me up from the airport with a little sign. The driver took us to the hotel and she made sure I was set up before leaving me with the information booklet about the surgery, schedule, and some interesting sight seeing points to see.

On the day of the surgery our group was taken to the hospital around 12:00 pm. We sat around for a large part of that afternoon, waiting to get our eyes checked. We had three checks, one of which was performed by Dr. Bas himself. Then we each went into surgery one after another. I was very nervous, but once the eye drops were in I didn't feel much. Demet was there to translate in English and reassure me. The best word I can use to describe the operation itself is trippy. It wasn't really painful. They have to put a little metal brace into the eye to keep it open. That was quite uncomfortable, but again, not painful and it didn't last long. Then when the laser opened the eye I just felt pressure and I saw these cool little laser beams that looked like tiny stars. The whole experience lasted for about 20 minutes. It felt even faster than that. The most painful part of the surgery was taking off the surgical mask they put over my cheeks and forehead. It was like having my face waxed, but then again I was more bothered than others, because I have sensitive skin. After the surgery my vision was hazy. It was uncomfortable to have my eyes open. We waited with closed eyes and sunglasses, in a darkened room for everyone to finish, got our medication, a cake and juice. and got driven back to the hotel, which took about 30 minutes. I got to my room at around 5:00 pm and followed the clinic's advice to take painkillers and get plenty of rest. I slept until the next morning at 7 am. The best way I can describe how your eyes feel after surgery is this: if you've ever worn contacts before, it's like you put them in early in the morning, and forgot about them until the next morning. If you have never worn contacts: it's like having sand in your eyes. What felt best was just to keep my eyes closed. Also being exposed to cold air felt very soothing. I was practically the only one who chose to rest and stay in the hotel. Everybody else went out to eat and drink. They didn't do so well the next day (honestly who drinks alcohol the day they have surgery?) I woke up and could see. After breakfast we were picked up and driven back to the clinic for a check up with Dr. Bas. He checked our eyes, and pronounced us seeing. After that we had lunch and got a fun city tour. The sticky contact lens feeling stayed with me for three days. Now as I'm writing this it's been almost a week, and I don't feel the lens feeling anymore, but my eyes do get dry easily, so I just keep on putting the natural tear drops in.
It takes a while for the vision to settle in, I've been told, but the very next day I could see better and more detailed than I ever have before, even with glasses or lenses. I highly recommend it to anyone. The pain is not dramatic, just kind of uncomfortable.

I chose to have Femto-Lasik because my contacts were hurting my eyes, and I couldn't stand glasses. Also, with my astigmatism my contacts constantly rotated, so I could see nothing at all when they weren't lined up right, and the only company that made my exact lens prescription charged $80 for one monthly lens. Projected lifetime savings in eye care: 33,400 Euros.
I wanted to have this done when I was 20 years old, but back then the surgery was pretty new, so I thought I would give them time to practice it and figure it out, which they have. I will save up money for my boys to have their eyes done when they are 18, because it will save them so much money in the long run.