Breda with the family and what to do when you see an autistic child

View of the old city, canal, and citadel of Breda

Traveling with an autistic child is difficult, sometimes even impossible. Can you imagine what it is like to get very little sleep every night because of your child's difficulty sleeping, then go put in a hard day's work, come home at the end of the day justifiably tired to tantrums, an exhausted spouse. Then know that when all your colleagues and friends go on vacation to beautiful beaches and exotic locations, you will be staying home, because your child can't handle any change in routine, and because crowds and noises overwhelm him. Can you fathom what it is like to never go anywhere, not even the store, without planning for someone to take care of your child? To drive five miles out of your way, just to avoid the tantrum you know will ensue if he sees a certain store/restaurant that he wants to go to? No visits to the beautiful places of the world, even the ones close to you, and creating for your kids the kind of childhood memories you still cherish. No stays in hotels or camping, because your autistic child can't figure out how to rest his body, and all of you will be up for most of the night, listening to screaming.
Autistic children crave control, because their surroundings don't make sense to them. It is an overwhelming, chaotic influx of stimuli, which brains of neuro-typical children can easily sort out and categorize, tuning some things out if necessary. Not so for the autistic brain. From what I've gathered overwhelming stimuli has one of two effects on them: either it is such an overload that they shut down and cry trying to get out of the situation, or it is so stimulating to them that it acts on their brain like a drug, making them crave more and more. They will have a high from going out, but as we all know, what goes up comes down, and when they come down, we have the same reaction as the child that is overwhelmed at the beginning.
Consider then, dear reader, that the next time you are enjoying some time out with your family or friends, and you see a child acting completely out of control, that this might just be a family who has spent the last 3 years at home every single day with their child, have not had a break, a vacation, or time away from or with their children, have spent most of their money funding therapies, spend their time cooking special diets, can't eat out without their child having reactions, haven't slept right since the child was born, and against all odds have decided to venture out to give life in the world out there a try. The child isn't bad or evil, and the parents aren't irresponsible and incapable. No need to call the police or child services. Offering help, however kindly meant, will likely result in the child screaming more. Don't judge, don't criticize, and if you want to roll your eyes, and shake your head...by all means, although if you're doing it to get the parents to notice that their child is misbehaving...um, thank you captain obvious! And before you kindly or impatiently suggest to them to tell their child to stop just ask yourself: if they could, wouldn't they have already? At the end of the day though, I can promise you that you'll feel a lot better if you assume the child has special needs, and the parents and child are doing the best they can. Think a good thought for them, and thank whatever Higher Power you believe in, that your children are healthy, and that you can take them places and enjoy the good things in life (to whatever extent you chose to).


We are very fortunate that we can take Ezra with us. He is the second type I described and really craves input, and then melts down afterward, when his brain craves another fix that he doesn't get. We only take him for short trips. Lucky for us we live in Holland, and are surrounded by gorgeous, ancient cities within 1-2 hours driving distance.

Here then is another visit to a city close by; beautiful Breda. This is one of the "younger" cities of the Netherlands dating back to 1100 AD. We spent about two hours walking around the charming old town, and then found a park for the kids to play in. It was very manageable and absolutely perfect weather.

Ezra and Daddy in front of the Cathedral

I absolutely loved the ceiling.

There is a famous organ festival held in Breda each year.

By the way, I did not coordinate my children's clothes. Ezra likes to dress Micah, and usually makes sure that whatever he is wearing matches what Micah wears.

Having a little snack on the bridge.

Nothing like a giant cell phone to entertain the kids!

"Whipped Cream, Spaghetti, Coffee, Sausage, Ice Cream" We had our doubts about this restaurant.

Hideous playground structure in the castle park. The kids had a lot of fun though.

8th Anniversary tour of Netherlands

We had a blast. There you go. That's all I'll tell you. Just kidding. I know all five of you reading my blog are dying to read about our anniversary in the Netherlands. It was pretty lovely and smooth going I must say.

To be honest we are pretty broke at the moment. I love a good challenge and thought it would be fun to organize a wedding anniversary with the theme no-money, no-complaints, with the goal to spend absolutely nothing and love it. I envisioned us biking to a beautiful nature reserve, and spending the night camping out, building a fire, and cooking re-hydrated pasta and then smores like in movies and books that I've read. Yes, I've never had to build my own fire in the wild before. Ever. Someone else (usually a guy) was there to take charge. I think this is a major lack in my survival skills set. So why not combine pleasure, learning and romance for our anniversary? Turns out though, that there is no "wild" in the Netherlands, and that starting a fire anywhere is illegal. There are nature preserves that have campgrounds, called natuur campeeren, which means, basically a camping ground in nature. The tent spaces are further apart, and there are usually very basic to no facilities (i.e. running water/toilets). Natuur campeeren differs from normal camping which is just your basic camp ground somewhere outside the city, with tents lined up within arms reach of each other, and full facilities. Turns out though that to go nature camping you have to buy a permit for 15 Euros, and then once you get to the camp ground you have to pay per adult, reservation fee, and for the space. If you use a shower you also have to pay. So we would have ended up paying about 30-40 Euros to go camping, which kind of wasn't what I had in mind with a romantic getaway and no spending. Then there is vrij campeeren, where you can camp for free at the edge of the field. However you can only camp after 7 pm and then it's first come first serve. Only three spots available, and no exact location. Camping laws here are very strict, and the police department even has their own unit who do nothing but patrol for illegal camping. The final nail in the camping coffin was that apparently there is a major tic problem in the forests here with Lyme disease. I know you were all just dying to know about this, so now that your curiosity on camping in the Netherlands is satisfied, back to the anniversary.

We threw all previous attempts to not spend money out the window, and settled for good ol' American credit card vacation. Our hotel actually ended up being just slightly more than the camp ground, and we had shower, and a king size bed!!! As soon as my head hit the hotel pillow for an afternoon nap (pure luxury) I laughed at the thought of camping somewhere on a hard floor, with no running water close by and bugs swarming us.

We started out our day in the amazing city of Utrecht. The earliest origins of this city date back to 2200 BC!!!! In the 2nd century Romans built a fortress there, but couldn't maintain it, and finally it is spoken of again in the 7th century. I love how steeped in history everything in Europe is. The city itself reminded us a little of San Antonio with it's river boardwalk. We arrived before 9:30 so shops were all still closed, and the atmosphere was very peaceful.

Aaron in Utrecht

Behind the Cathedral

This is taken from underneath the cathedral tower. The cathedral was destroyed in a hurricane.

Tower of Utrecht, part of the former cathedral.

This is by far one of the most elegant catholic churches I've had the pleasure of visiting.

Boardwalk in Utrecht

Little shops line the canal

wacky tree along canal

Cool Stone with ancient carvings in front of Cathedral

After Utrecht we headed out to the Kastel De Haar, a very pretty castle outside of Utrecht, with an underwhelming park. Sorry, but after seeing Schoenbrunn I'm not easily blown away. We had a fun little picnic in the park and walked around the castle which is being renovated.

Aaron washing out raspberry vinaigrette from his shorts and white shirt in the super fancy guest bathroom of the castle.

Seriously, wrought iron hardware, solid wood door, ceramic tiles...and we got all the raspberry dressing out.

We headed straight up to our hotel which was about an hour North of Amsterdam, and took aforementioned nap. I think, only parents can truly appreciate the luxury of an uninterrupted afternoon nap.
The beach was next on our list. The water was freeeezzzing, and my legs mysteriously started itching. After we were thoroughly cold, we headed back to the beach and saw a disgusting, dead jelly fish. Ewww. I paid closer attention to the water and saw several small jellyfish floating next to the shore, and many dead ones on the beach. With the mystery of my itching legs solved I didn't return to the water after that.

Then we had dinner in Haarlem, which is probably the prettiest city I've been too so far in the Netherlands. Or maybe the second prettiest. I don't know, so many to chose from. After a stroll through the narrow streets and peeking at the menus of several restaurants we decided on Japanese, because it had the nicest interior decor and the least likelihood of me ending up toppled over with stomach cramps an hour after eating.

Haarlem City Center

The only thing I'll mention about going back to the hotel was that we got to sleep in the next morning. That alone was worth going away for!!!