Dummies Guide to ruining Easter (or Holidays)

For all you supermoms out there who are not content with celebrating holiday in a normal, relaxed way, and would like some pointers on how to create a big enough mess for yourself, so you can put on your cape to save the day, here it is. This is...um...a friend of mine's guide to ruining Easter (can be applied to any holiday).

1. First things first. When you wake up, give yourself a good mental smack for not getting up earlier to make a huge fancy breakfast.
2. While you're making the kids the special nut, egg, gluten, casein free pancakes they can eat, beat yourself up about the fact that you can't make them their favorite foods, or the big eggs, bacon, and cinnamon rolls breakfast, because they're intolerant to it.
3. While your kids are having a great time finding the eggs you hid the night before, berate yourself for not being able to give them big baskets full of candy, and not having decorated the table with chocolate eggs. If you're tempted to remember the reason why you can't give them those candies, just blame yourself for not giving them a better DNA. 
4. Have high expectations of your kids. Assume that they will behave and be kind just because it's a holiday.
5. While they're eating their candy, feel guilty that you broke down and gave them chocolate eggs.
6. When after five minutes your autistic child reacts to the chocolate and casein, starts screaming, barking, and hurting his younger sibling, remind yourself that it's your fault and feel guilty. (For good measure give yourself a mental kick for believing all these judgmental people around you who call you a strict parent, and have no clue what it's like to have a special needs child.)
7. If you are a Mormon, go to church with huge expectations that everyone else will have grasped how significant Easter is and that they too will want to celebrate this grand occasion with beautiful music, and uplifting talks. 
8. Look for opportunities to be annoyed, like when the meeting starts 8 minutes late.
9. During the sacrament don't focus on remembering the resurrection or Christ. Instead get annoyed at the lack of common courtesy demonstrated by the parent of the screaming child, who won't take her into the hall. 
10. Determine the nationality of the parent, and remind yourself of every time a person with that nationality has lacked common courtesy. Then get irritated at your spouse for taking a job in a country that lacks common courtesy. 
11. When the first speaker announces that you can go to sleep because he'll give a boring talk, take it as evidence that everyone is out to annoy you today.
12. When the second speaker gets up and also demonstrates a lack of courtesy by speaking for 40 minutes, so the bishop has to cut his talk to 2 minutes and dispense with the intermediate hymn, repeat step 10. 
13. When the same speaker who started the meeting late and took up all the time then gets up to close the meeting by giving another mini talk, repeat step 10. 
14. Complain to your spouse, and to anyone who will listen that you don't belong to a church that values music, and good talks. As much as you are tempted, don't remember General Conference talks or MoTab. Just focus on how these talks are ruining your Easter expectations. 
15. If you happen to get happy feelings during church because the primary kids are extra cute, squish them as soon as you can by reminding yourself that you might feel good now, but it's just the calm before the storm.
16. When church is over, and you realize that the potluck isn't happening because it's Easter, berate yourself for not trusting your common sense, which told you early that morning there wouldn't be one.
17. When your autistic child freaks out because he expected a pot luck and there wasn't one, remind yourself that you're a lousy parent.
18. After you get your kids in the car, and your autistic child freaks out even more because you also didn't prepare a lunch box, berate yourself again for not being prepared for every eventuality. 
19. Remind yourself that this situation warrants dining out, and then get very angry because you left your credit card at home. 
20. Get angry at your spouse because he didn't comply with your assumption that he had his wallet, and that he didn't read your mind to bring it. Remind yourself of everything else he does wrong, and take it as evidence for a disastrous marriage.
21. After 30 minutes of crying from your autistic child, first curse scientists for not inventing beaming technology. Blame yourself for not having invented it. Assume your child will starve, or melt down completely. Up your anxiety level, throw caution and blood pressure to the wind by flooring it home. 
22. When you get home and your special needs child acts completely remote, doesn't listen, respond, and switches between hyperactive and despondent, feel really sorry for yourself, and assume that everyone else's life is easier than yours. 
23. Whatever else you do, take yourself and your thoughts seriously. Don't think about the fact that you're being ridiculous and negative. It will ruin all your hard work!

Alright jokes aside here. Dr. Daniel Amen, a noted psychiatrist and author, wrote that everyone has what are called ANT's: Automative Negative Thoughts. They vary depending on which part of our brain is most challenged. Hormone levels really do influence our thoughts as well, so some days during the month you have to fight harder to remember that the world isn't actually rotten, it's just a lack of happy hormones causing you to think so. Some have dark and evil thoughts, some minds readily paint worst case scenarios, some have thoughts of hopelessness, self-hatred, etc. The point is that, although they feel real, they aren't true. They're just thoughts, and when you focus on negative thoughts, you just feel worse. He suggests to write them down and talk back to them. It's pretty funny once you write them down, how ridiculous they really are.

Anyway, hope you found some entertainment in this post. I'm going to go celebrate now how silly I was being today, I mean, er...how silly my friend was today, and enjoy the gorgeous evening, and the feeling of satisfaction one has on a perfect spring evening after eating a lovely Easter dinner.

My opinion on Gay Relationships and Christians

I've been thinking a lot about this, and I just wanted to make my position clear. There is a lot about the gay movement that irks me, and a lot of (not so) "Christian" responses that irritate me.

What prompted this post? I was called in for an interrogation at the police station the other day. I wouldn't really call it an interrogation, because there were no two-way mirrors, no harsh lights, no cops hovering over you to squeeze that ultimate confession from you, just one girl with short spiky hair, angular glasses, no make-up, and a great desire to talk about her gay relationship.

We were talking about my autistic son, and the difficulty I've been having getting help for him here. Somehow that prompted her to open up about how judgmental the Dutch are about her being in a Gay relationship, which surprised me, as I thought the Dutch were fairly progressive. She related how she lives in a village where a lot of people attend church. She called herself atheist and told me that those Christians were crazy because they believed gay people were evil.
As the mother of an autistic child, I'm well aware of what it feels like to be judged. Many look at Ezra as stupid, weird, different, and at me as the one to blame. Even those close to us, who know and love us don't really get it. So in some way I can very easily relate to what it's like to be judged for who you are. People see Ezra's autistic behaviors. They rarely see him, a human being in need of love and acceptance. He is different, and it's obvious. But as Temple Grandin's mother would say: different, not less!

I told this police officer, and I tell you dear readers, that I absolutely know that there is a God, and that it is my belief that he didn't intend for women or men to act on same sex attraction or engage in same sex relationships. I'm not denying the reality of same sex attraction (nor did God, for that matter), and I'm definitely not going to get into a debate on whether or not one is born with it. My personal opinion is that one isn't born with it, but honestly, it's just an opinion, which I can neither prove nor disprove, and might change in a few years. Either way, it doesn't matter how you feel, or where it came from.  It doesn't matter what happened to you in your past, or even now, whether you were abused or not. The only relevant question for every one is: what do you want to do with this now, and really: what do YOU want!

I  explained to the officer, that even though I strongly held these beliefs, I had no issue whatsoever with her living her life as she saw fit. I don't judge her for her choice. In fact, as a singer, I have come in contact with many people who have same sex attraction and are married to each other. I love them, I respect them, enjoy working with them, and I'm proud to call them friends. I'm happy for their joy in their relationship. Happy people are usually kinder people!

It seems perhaps a contradiction that I call myself Christian, disagree with same sex relationships, but still have no problem with people living them. This however is what I take from reading in Christ's teachings, and I think a lot of Christians are missing the point, when they go around accusing others of being evil. To you I say: how on earth did you come to the conclusion after reading the scriptures that it's OK to judge or hurt others for not choosing to live the principles Christ taught? And what about the woman taken in adultery whom the pharisees wanted to stone? Christ asked those who were without sin to cast the first stone. Everyone left, because no one was without sin. None of us are innocent before God except little children. God gave us free agency, and it is up to each individual to either accept or refuse his teachings. Christ is the judge. If Christ has a problem with gay couples, I'm sure He can handle it without us. I want for myself the right to believe whatever I want to believe, and live my life according to the principles that I think will lead to my happiness. And if I want that for myself, I can only truly have it, if I grant that same freedom to others. I don't need the whole world to be married heterosexual couples for myself to be happy. So that's what irks me about Christians. If you truly call yourself Christian, then be kind, tolerant, and loving to all men and women, regardless of how they live and what they do. And by the way, and this deserves a whole separate post, telling people they're evil doesn't help them come to Christ. Ask yourself: if you're unkind and judgmental to someone, why would they want to learn about Christ, let alone attend a meeting where there are more people like you? The motivating-by-hellfire-and-damnation is a medieval church practice. It doesn't work well. The only power that can affect healing, and change is love, charity, and acceptance.


That said, here is what irks me about the "gay movement." Now please note, this doesn't apply to every gay person I ever met, just to some of the "extremists." I just stated above that "I don't need the whole world to be happily married heterosexual couples to be happy myself." I find some gays apply a double standard when they ask to believe as they choose and call Christians gay bashers, while they are bashing Christians for not agreeing with their choices.
Also, I've only ever experienced gays do this, but some seem to feel the need to flaunt their sexual exploits to the world through pictures or detailed accounts. Personally, I don't want to hear it from anyone regardless of orientation. And this brings me to pride parades...what the heck? I don't want to see floats with huge genitalia and sexual exploits portrayed. I choose to stay home, but I really don't understand why anyone feels such a display is necessary. If you have attended one and care to enlighten me, please feel free to comment.
Further: you can't claim that you are equal and at the same time demand to be treated differently. What I mean is why ask for harsher punishments on gay persecution, or gay attacks. No one should be persecuted, attacked, or bullied whether they are Straight, Gay, Black, Caucasian, Jews, Muslims, Christians, handicapped, or whatever. (The only exception I make here is harsher punishments for child traffickers, and pedophiles, because children need to be protected!) And no one should be killed because they look or believe differently!
And lastly, what I fundamentally disagree with is that when you have same sex attraction you have no choice but to act on it, and that you can never change. This to me is a limiting belief and a victim-mentality which very often has unhappiness as a consequence. I believe humans are capable of anything they want to do, even if it seems impossible. I have an overwhelming desire to eat all the chocolate I see. I believe it's not good for my body, and so I choose to abstain from it (no really, haven't eaten it in 3.5 years). If someone has same sex attraction, and if they believe that it's not good for their soul to act on it, and if they want to change how they feel, and find joy in a heterosexual relationship, then who are we to tell them he/she can't or shouldn't, or that he/she is denying her true nature? Humans change and evolve all the time. It's none of our business how others choose to find happiness. And just like with my son Ezra, I resent people telling me what he can and cannot do. You don't know! Keep your limiting beliefs to yourself, please! Let him find out what he's capable of, and let us support and believe in him no matter what it is he wants to do. Seeing same sex attraction -or any feeling, tendency, interest- as something you have no choice in is a victim mentality. You always have a choice whether it is to embrace it or alter it. 

I have observed that people who blame others for their unhappiness, instead of taking responsibility for their own actions, tend to not be very happy. Think about it. You try to change everyone around you, so you can be happy? Everyone has to agree with you for you to be happy? Waste of time, friends. As mother Theresa once said: if you judge people, you have no time to love them. We can choose how we want to feel, and we decide on our definition of happiness. We are our own best experts. Today is Good Friday, the day I remember that Christ gave his life because he loved us all, even though we rejected him and crucified him. I dedicate this post to Him and to you all. I don't care what you believe, or what you do. I only care about your happiness. Today I want to just love and celebrate you for being human.

Yummy Gluten, Casein, Egg, and Nut free "Conference" Waffles

What, another food post? What the heck is up with that? I thought you're not into food blogging?

And I'm not. Let's face it. Life has been pretty challenging lately (and what's up with that, by the way? I thought there were seasons of rest planned into the whole trials thing. Just saying, I'm about ready here!)
Having a special needs child, and two children with lots of food intolerances can be frustrating, aggravating, inconvenient, and expensive. I don't really enjoy reading rants though, unless they are super witty.  And honestly, everyone has to go through some tough times! The refining of character isn't measured by how many trials we endure, but how we endure them.  I for one get lots of opportunities to practice patience, and choosing happiness. I guess I really needed to learn some things.
Anyway, this is why food blogs have increased lately, because it is a way for me to share a positive outcome of my 'faith-promoting' opportunities. If nothing else my kids' food issues definitely give me opportunity to experiment in the kitchen.

So here it is. My super yummy Conference* waffles recipe.  
Disclaimer: are these anything like the real waffles from Belgium? Well, sweet cheeks, I actually lived in Brussels for a while, and enjoyed many a piping hot belge waffle straight off the press, and no!, nothing is like a real belge waffle. And those horrible, dry, pancake-battery tasting things they try to pass off as belge waffles in the US, are definitely NOTHING like the real Belge waffles. In my baking experience nothing makes up for one pound of butter, white flour, and sugar. But, you know, a yummy, sweet, moist, waffle is still better than no waffle at all when you're allowed to eat basically nothing. Oh and by the way, any waffle tastes better when fresh off the press. Even if you eat them the same day, it's just not as good as piping hot.

"CONFERENCE" WAFFLES

This recipe makes about 30 waffles. You can just half it, but if your family is anything like mine, 10 waffles are not enough for a meal.

Wet Ingredients:

2 bananas
5 tbsp apple sauce
4 tbsp honey                                      Put all wet ingredients in the blender and blend on high.
3 cups rice milk
4 tbsp oil


Dry Ingredients:

2 cups sorghum flour (also known as Juvar, which you can find in Indian markets)
1.5 cups rice flour
1/2 cup corn starch (or arrow root powder, or potato starch)
2 tsp xantham gum
2 1/2  tbsp baking powder (yes, you read it right, table spoons)
2 tsp salt
1 cup of secret ingredient**

In a separate bowl whisk these dry ingredients together and then add wet ingredients. Mix well.

 Put two table spoons of batter into your waffle iron. Depends of course how big it is. Cook until the waffle stays firm when the lid is lifted. You'll have to figure out for yourself how long it is.

In my experience it is easier to wait until the waffle is an amber color. 

 

Things I've learned along the way:

• if you lift the lid too early the waffle will tear, but you can just put it back down, and it will still work. 
• light brown waffles are harder to get out than a dark amber colored waffle
• 2 tbsp of batter is really enough to make the waffle

*I call them conference waffles because the first time I made them was General Conference weekend. I bought a waffle maker the day before and experimented with this recipe. It turned out well on the first try. I spread out a blanket in front of the TV and gave my kids waffles for dinner, and for breakfast while they were listening to conference. This is a tradition I hope will last.


** The secret ingredient: this is it. Pearled sugar. Not sure that you can get it in the US. I highly doubt it. It's just sugar in lumps that caramelize on the surface, but stay crunchy in the batter.