What to do when you suspect your child is autistic

This post is intended as a guideline, a starting point, perhaps even a lighthouse in your hurricane for you moms and dads who have just found out or suspect that your child is autistic, or simply different from the rest. No matter what the experts say of when you can diagnose a child, if you suspect your child is different, don't wait. Get a diagnosis YESTERDAY! Sign up wherever you need to. Waiting times can be quite long and the clock is ticking.
I started suspecting Ezra was different around 12 months old, and I asked my doctor who shushed my concerns at every appointment until we had wasted an entire year. And then he still wouldn't take action, so I contacted First Steps early intervention in Indiana where we were living and they confirmed my gut instinct. What I'm saying is, the same signs were there at 12 months that they later said made him autistic. Here are some of the things that made me think he's different:
At 12 months:

• He never turned his head when I called his name. Typically developing children will turn their head at about 8 months, even if they don't look in the right direction.
• He didn't imitate anything, no gestures, no sounds
• He rarely looked at me
• He didn't babble, talk, or interact with me

At 18 monhts:

• He still had no words, he started screaming a lot and having tantrums
• He would engage in repetitive behaviors such as dumping out water glasses, staring at the water running down, and couldn't follow any simple directions like "give me the cup"
• He didn't point, or seek shared attention (like showing me a new toy)
• He had a lot of separation anxiety that never went away
• He didn't point at anything or take my hand to show me things

So there are definitely signs you can tell early on. If any of these apply to your child, you are my fellow warriors. I salute you. Yours is the errand of angels. I can tell you now that no matter how much your family, friend, and therapists care, no matter how involved they are, none of them will ever truly understand you as well as another parent with a special needs child. If you're looking for support and understanding, join a yahoo group or a parent group of autistic children in your neighborhood. It is such a relief to be able to share your frustrations, challenges, joys, and tears without the judgment of "you're just making it up, it's not that hard, it's your fault he's like this, you're just not a good parent." Also, it saves you the trouble from having to reinvent the wheel. Chances are they've been there, done that. This is what this post is about. The lessons I've learned, and the things I wish I could go back and do over.
My oldest son Ezra is now 5.5 years old. He was diagnosed in January 2008 with being not typically developing, and probably autistic. The diagnosis of autism and ADHD has since then been confirmed. At the time of his diagnosis he was just about 2.5 years old. I have and still spend many nights lying awake, trying to drown out the regrets and the guilt that pound at my consciousness for not acting on my instincts, and doing more for Ezra earlier on. I am working hard on accepting that I did the very best I could, with the information available to me. I thought myself very well read at this point, because I spent the last 4 years reading up on treatments, protocols, personal recovery stories, biomedical treatments etc, learning and comparing all along. And then I joined a yahoogroup for parents of autistic children, and was blown away by how little I really know. Some of these mothers have been researching for 1-20 years. They are amazing. Anyway, if I had a time machine and could go back in time, these are the things I wish I had done right away. I hope this list helps some of you out there. And no matter how much you would like it to be, journey through autism is not a sprint. It's a marathon. You're in it for the long run. There are no quick fixes. So make peace with that fact. These suggestions are especially for ASD kids under 6 years of age. These might seem like weird suggestions, but honestly this is what would have helped me the most. 

1. Put myself first, not my child. What I mean with this is get help for your child, but realize now that you need some you time to not let autism become your life. Why?

2. Call the Son-Rise program immediately This program will help your child and you actually accept and be happy with a diagnosis, and has the potential to totally recover your child from autism. Make a special playroom, and find volunteers to help you. Why?

2a.) Get an inside perspective into autism from a person who actually is autistic by reading Thinking in Pictures, and The Way I See It by Temple Grandin. Why?

3. This is a big one! Have your child tested for food intolerances and allergies and remove all foods immediately that he is intolerant to. Also, if you can afford it go organic, but at the very least, stop buying food with colorants, E's, or any type of preservatives. Your child's brain development is important and if the right nutrients are not getting to the brain but the wrong ones are, then it will make matters worse. Why?

4. Clean up the food! Start a vegetable/fruit/beans diet, SCD or GAPS diet now. Why?

4a. This actually goes along with 4 but I'll make it a separate point. DETOXIFY your household. Get rid of toxins such as your deodorants, shower gel, shampoo, fabric softener, laundry detergent, etc.! What the heck?  

5. Put off having more kids, if you don't have more than one. Why?

6. Pick a method that will stimulate the cerebellum such as neurofeedback training, or brain balance program with your kid. Why?

7. Find a sensory integration therapist, and have them start working with your child. Waiting lists can be long, so get on one ASAP. Read all you can about sensory integration. Why?

8. Get rid of all electronics. No battery operated toys, no TV, nada. You think it helps you have a break, but really, it prolongs the problem and makes it much worse. Why?

9. Cancel all your plans and dreams for you and your child's future. Wasting thoughts on what could/should be will only make you miserable. You can  either see autism as lemons straight up for the rest of your life, or you can make it into a lifelong supply of lemonade. It's your choice how you want to see it. Live in the moment. If you focus on what can't be, you will miss what can be. One of the most amazing things about autism is you get to learn and experience how truly amazing human beings really are, how magnificently capable they are. You can see it as an opportunity to celebrate a lot because each little step equals a major accomplishment, or you can also choose to be constantly miserable because your child is not doing what others seem to do without effort. Having an autistic child can teach you like nothing else how to be happy in the moment, choose your own happiness, defy the norm, love unconditionally, and inspire without demanding.
10. Find a pediatrician who is with DAN or with Dr.G, or someone who is knowledgeable about treating autism bio-medically. Some people see autism as a biomedical problem, and there are so many things you can do and try. Word of caution: stay away from chelation drugs, and drug treatments that will kill the gut flora. They tend to compromise an already strained immune system. A diet heavy in plant foods is the best way to chelate.

I understand that this list might be harsh to process. If I could go back and talk to myself, I would probably smack my past self and tell her to just get on with it. Coming to think of it, that's actually what I did, so perhaps I should stop feeling guilty? I didn't let his diagnosis stop me, and I don't think I'll ever give up fighting for him. But I would like to stop fighting myself. This is life now, and there is joy in it, if one doesn't waste too much time thinking about what could and should have been. It doesn't exist. All there is, is now!

Stay posted as I write the reasons for all these steps. I don't have the time to include them all right now, but promise to write them up in the next few weeks. Also, if you are one of my anonymous readers, and have something to contribute to this subject, something you wish you had done, or would like to ask me a question, please put it in the comment section.