Picky eaters almost won

This morning I was ready to call it quits with the diet. It's just so hard. It's not the food. In fact, after only five days I've lost 6 lbs, and I never have any cravings. Well, not never. Day 5 was pretty rough. I desperately wanted some bread. And the food is soooo delicious. It is organic, it is rich in fat which makes me feel not only full, but satisfied, something I never felt no matter how many carbs I guzzled when I was on my typical diet of sandwiches, chips, and cookies.
No, what's hard is that I have to plan ahead. That was hard even when we ate the other way, but then at least we could just go get some fries to everyone's delight when mommy didn't plan to make dinner in time, or have some rice crackers. And the other thing that's really hard is trusting that my children will eventually eat what they have been refusing for five years now. It's so heart-wrenching to see them this hungry, and to know that the easy way out could fix that. I'm not withholding food from them per se, they are withholding it from themselves, by not eating the healthy protein, fat, and carbs I provide for them. But it still feels like I'm the mother whose not feeding her kids, and what mother would do that? I keep on telling them though when they ask for the 'bad stuff' that I love them too much to give them things that will hurt their body.
I don't want to give up and go back to feeding them things that make them hyper, give them rashes, make their stomachs hurt, and have to cook the same three things for them, because they won't eat anything but rice, pasta, and chips. On the other hand I don't want to have to do this either. I wish I just wouldn't care. Whenever I have a bit of freedom ahead on the horizon, I manage to create more work for myself.
On the other hand, how can I not? Once I realized what is causing their health and mental problems, how can I not help it? But if I'm making the right decisions, choosing the better part if you will, why doesn't it feel better? Why isn't it easier? Why am I not happier? And why do other people get to have the cake and eat it too (I specifically mean have singing jobs, and have children as well)? I realize I'm getting very philosophical here, but with all the free time I have from not scheming about the foods I can eat, I find myself confronted with the very questions I tried to drown out with those carbs.
If I had to guess I would look for the explanation in delayed gratification. Often it seems that choosing the right is really choosing what will in the end benefit you most in the long run, not what is pleasant and easy first. I chose pleasant and easy (well, not that easy) for 5 years now (and much longer than that if we're honest), and I haven't gotten very far, and frankly it wasn't all that pleasant either. Not with my personal weightloss by giving in to my sweet tooth,  and not with Ezra's recovery from autism. This morning I just couldn't take another fight about the food from the kids. I was ready to give up, but thankfully I had support from my mom, who lives with us, in case you didn't know. She just told me to hang in there. And then I got another gift from a dear friend in Washington, which she had promised to send me for over a year now. The dedication in the book even read September 2010, but what a perfect day for it to arrive. It can't have been coincidence, that a ring with the inscription "Never, never, never quit" came on the day that I was ready to quit. (Therese you're an angel sent from heaven!) So I didn't. And tonight as I'm writing this post Micah was so hungry he asked for me to bring him more broth. Both of the kids ate a few bites of vegetables for dinner. Maybe, just maybe, this might work out in the end.