Kindness from strangers

I'm back in the US for the Son-Rise intensive treatment for Ezra. In the past few days I've been struck by the difference in the culture here and in the Netherlands and what an impact little acts of kindness make.
Here are some small things people did yesterday that made me take note and marvel at what an impact friendliness and kindness make:

1. A woman in her 60s held the door open for us when she saw Ezra and I approach.
2. A clerk in the store overheard me saying that those massive carts, the ones with the car attachment for kids, was hard to navigate, so he went and got me a different one, and told me not to worry about it.
3. The clerk in the post office was so friendly and helpful, smiled at us, joked with us, and helped us find the right packet for the things we had to mail.
4. When I was pulling out of a parking spot the guy in the car behind us stopped instead of trying to speed past us, and gave us a friendly you-first-wave.
5. A clerk in the health food store immediately stopped what she was doing when I asked her for help in finding Stevia. 

Perhaps these acts are just part of the American customer service mentality. Perhaps they are cultural. I've certainly witnessed the same kind of courtesy and friendliness in other countries, and in turn have experienced unfriendly behavior at times in the US.It is so pleasant it when people are friendly. And it feels better to be friendly with others. Every emotion, every feeling has a physical effect in our body. Anger raises the blood pressure. Stress increases our adrenalin levels. Love manifests in form of dopamine in the brain, which feels good. When we choose to be angry, unkind, or friendly we really are choosing how we want to feel in our body. Acting angry or unfriendly rarely motivates someone else to change, and really in the end hurts only our own bodies, and our own happiness. One of the key teachings at the Option institute and in the Son-Rise program is that happiness is a choice. That means, others don't MAKE us angry by being rude. We choose to be angry about that. Others don't make us happy by being kind. We choose how we want to feel. One of my husband's favorite quotes is: You can make yourself happy, or you can make yourself miserable. Either way it's the same amount of work." One way doesn't take more time than the other. And even if being friendly did take three seconds more, it might just increase your joy in living. 

It may not seem like a big deal if someone opens the door for you, but I think that many small acts of kindness done especially to strangers, when no one else is watching, define where we stand as a society. Imagine if everyone was kind to strangers, if everyone was friendly and polite? What a pleasant place would that be?

This reminds me of something Elder D. Todd Christofferson said at a Conference:

The societies in which many of us live have for more than a generation failed to foster moral discipline. They have taught that truth is relative and that everyone decides for himself or herself what is right. Concepts such as sin and wrong have been condemned as “value judgments.” As the Lord describes it, “Every man walketh in his own way, and after the image of his own god” (D&C 1:16).

As a consequence, self-discipline has eroded and societies are left to try to maintain order and civility by compulsion. The lack of internal control by individuals breeds external control by governments. One columnist observed that “gentlemanly behavior [for example, once] protected women from coarse behavior. Today, we expect sexual harassment laws to restrain coarse behavior. …

“Policemen and laws can never replace customs, traditions and moral values as a means for regulating human behavior. At best, the police and criminal justice system are the last desperate line of defense for a civilized society. Our increased reliance on laws to regulate behavior is a measure of how uncivilized we’ve become.”² 

I get worried about the state of the world today, but when people take time to be kind, I always feel hopeful. I for one have decided that it feels good, and will take it back to the Netherlands where I know I'll have lots of opportunities to practice being kind.