Christ Centered Parenting

I was asked to give a talk this Sunday at Church on Christ centered parenting. Here it
is.

Christ centered parenting

What is parenting and how can it be Christ centered: Wikipedia defines parenting as the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood.
To this definition I would add in the words of King Benjamin:
Mosia 4: 15-16
ye will teach [your children] to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.

And in the next verse King Benjamin points the way to how this is to be done.
And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor. Ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need.

Our teaching is useless unless we set the example. Aaron and I recently spent a week in the States. During that time my mother and Aaron's parents took care of the children. When we returned we were going to have dinner together. After dinner we went to play outside in the garden. Most of us were already outside, when I heard Ezra yell: come on, Bill, in perfect imitation of Grandma. Whether we like it or not, our children see everything we do, and copy us. We pass our own biases on to our children. This can work in our favor. Ralph Waldo Emerson put it this way:Your actions speak so loud I could not hear your words?
Another new favorite quote of mine is: Be in the world what you want to see in the world.

So how does plain parenting differ from Christ centered parenting? Nephi has an apt description that you are all familiar with:
2 Ne:25:26
And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.
This mission, this mandate, is not unlike Christ’s mission. He came to earth to teach us of the love our Heavenly Father has for us. How did he accomplish his mission? What was his method?
John 5:19
Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise.

If we want our children to love Christ to know him, to be like him, then we need to love him, be like him, and serve him. Don’t think that we can fool our children. They know the difference. Let me radically suggest that parenting is about becoming ourselves who we want our children to be. Our children depend on us for direction and guidance, especially in their younger years. But it doesn’t follow that because we are teaching them they have nothing to teach us. Parenting children is the greatest opportunity we are given in this life to become Christ like whether these be our biological children, or our nieces, nephews, or children in our care.

As I was preparing this talk I reflected on the pattern Heavenly Father set for the experience of his children here on earth. He has blessed each of us with individual talents, situations, and challenges. But there are four gifts that each of us have been given regardless of the family situation we have been placed in. They are a beautiful earth, honesty and assurance, free agency, and the atonement. I think that we can give these gifts to our children.

1 A beautiful place to call home
Before our Father in Heaven parted with us, he created a beautiful earth for us to live in. Everything around us is a testament of where we came from. Alma teaches Korihor:
Alma 30:44
yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and call things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator.
What kind of home do we provide for our children? I’m not suggesting we need an expensive mansion filled with paraphernalia. Is it a place you want to come home to? Is it a place where a child is and feels safe, and can grow in strength and health? When your children look at the walls and shelves, what are the values they will see? Is our home neat and clean?

2 Honesty and Assurance
The earth God created for us is beautiful but it has it’s risks: natural disasters and human corruption abound. God has warned and prepared us for these occasions and assured us that he is always there for us. He let’s us know what is about to happen through his prophets. He warns us of dangers. He doesn’t sugar coat the dangers and consequences of sinful behaviors. He makes no excuses. He is completely honest with us, and assures us that he will be there for us through it all.
Deuteronomy 31:8
And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.
Elder Hale said: we raise our families in a wicked and hostile world…But we also weave around our children a protective basket—a vessel called “the family”—and guide them to safe places where our teachings can be reinforced in the home and at church.
Our family can be the haven where our children find comfort and guidance.

3 Agency
Perhaps his greatest gift to us is our agency.
Moses 7: 32
32 The Lord said unto Enoch: Behold [Humans] are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency;
Our agency allows us to chose for ourselves, to have our own experiences. Do we bestow the same trust in our children? What greater evidence of His faith in us could God have given us? What greater gift of love could he have offered, then to let us chose for ourselves? Only one! Which brings me to the last gift I want to mention.

4 Atonement
God knew us so well he understood that we mess up at times. So with the gift of our agency, he also provided a way out. Providing a way out, to me, evidences his acceptance of our weakness.
1 Jn. 4:10
Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and bent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
John 3: 16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Are we forgiving and accepting of our children’s mistakes, or to we continuously remind them of their failings in the past?

So this is the point in a talk where usually one makes suggestions for behaviors we can change or add to be Christ centered parents (suggestions perhaps like, get rid of bad movies, hang up pictures of Christ, read scriptures with your kids, pray every day, attend the temple, be loving, don’t judge, forgive, etc). Through the Son-Rise program I have come to understand that it is not our behaviors we need to change, but our beliefs. We all act according to our beliefs and in accordance of what we want the most. Our behaviors and actions are only the result of what we believe. And in this lies the key: if we want. I have come to believe that everyone does what they want to do the most. We can chose what we want to do. Therein lies our free agency. And in circumstances beyond our control, we can choose how react. Perhaps you might be thinking, well I don’t have a choice about working. I have to work to support my family. I say: no you don’t. There are plenty of people who don’t. If you are working to support your family, it is because you want your family to be supported. Or at least you want it more than you want to feel like you can’t support your family. Or what about a mother: I have to stay home from work to take care of my children. Again, no you don’t. If you’re staying home it is because you want to take care of your children. I believe that if we acknowledge that what we do is what we want to do, life becomes easier. We become happier, because we are no longer the victims of circumstances. We own up to who we are and what we want to do. So how do we become Christ centered parents? We don’t, unless we WANT to center ourselves on Christ. This is something that will be up to each of you to decide for themselves. You can ask yourself: Do I want a Christ centered home?

The scriptures assure us that God will honor our free agency, regardless of our choice:
Psalm 37:4 [God] shall give thee the desire of thine heart
Alma 29:4 I know that [God] granteth unto men according to their desire, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men, ….according to their wills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction.
D&C 137:9 For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.

If it is the desire of our hearts to have a Christ at the center of our family, then it will be easy for us to extend the four gifts I have mentioned. We will keep our home beautiful and peaceful, we will assure our children of our continued presence and support, we will trust them to chose the best options for themselves, and we will be loving and forgiving if they lose their way, or make mistakes.

How can you “increase” your desire, assuming you want to increase it? I have no real short cut to that. Let me borrow Alma’s suggestion from
Alma 32:27
But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

And finally let me close with Almas invitation to the Zoramites:
Alma 33:23
And now, my brethren, I desire that ye shall plant this word in your hearts, and as it beginneth to swell even so nourish it by your faith. And behold, it will become a tree, springing up in you unto everlasting life. And then may God grant unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son. And even all this can ye do if ye will. Amen.