As a teenager in Switzerland I used to stay up late to watch the live broadcast of the Oscars at 3 am. I idolized these beauties. I wanted to be like them. How much has changed? Sometimes I laugh at my ridiculous idolization at the time. Now as an adult, I wonder, why exactly do we make such a big deal out of people who look pretty? We reward people with attention for dressing up in expensive clothes, and hand them golden statues, because they are really good at pretending to be someone they are not. And just because they are pretty we want to know what they have to say about the world's problems, society's woes, and about current politics. Very few of these beauties have actually completed a full education. And an alarming amount of them are not capable of completing a coherent sentence without cursing. How many of them stay faithful in their marriage vows (if they even get married), how many raise their children themselves, without an army of nannies? How many of them succumb to drugs, alcoholism, and other addictions? Why exactly are their examples worth celebrating?
Let me give you an alternative example of a woman to celebrate. This woman does not wear size 2, and yet she has a lovely feminine shape. She does not wear her hair to the latest fashion, or apply mountains of make up. And yet she is beautiful, authentic, real, any time of the day. She does not wear the most expensive clothes, but she looks elegant and well groomed. This woman is my friend. In fact, she is everyone's friend. No one in her vicinity is left untouched by her generosity, care, and kindness. She is intelligent, and educated. She has two beautiful daughters. The younger one is a very sick, beautiful girl, who not only has autism, but several other health problems. She cares for her at home. She has a team of workers to help run a Son-Rise program for her daughter. She leaves no stone unturned to help her daughter's life become better, more pleasant. Her free time is often spent cataloguing her daughter's every move, detailing the conversations she has with the many doctors and therapists she comes in contact with, and doing hours of research to find more ways to help her girl. Thousands of dollars are spent not on expensive clothes and personal trainers, but on therapies, medication, and good nutrition. She believes in her, she loves her, she encourages her, and never loses patience (well, not that I saw anyway). She is of good cheer most of the time. And even when she is woken up at 2-5 am for months at a time and has to forgo sleep, she manages to get up and serve others. She remembers any small detail you tell her about yourself. While we stayed at her house, she was the perfect hostess, cooking all meals for us. Now, if that doesn't seem like a big deal to you, you have to remember that cooking a special diet that doesn't include anything processed (and omits nuts, gluten, casein, and grains), and often relies on hours of preparation, you might know that this means hours of work. But my friend didn't even get flustered, it seemed by the extra load. As if that wasn't enough, she would dote on us and the kids with healthy drinks, snacks, and food, and buy them presents. And even though she was worried sick about her daughter who was really not feeling well, and even after spending nights in the ER, she would still get up and make us breakfast, pack sack lunches for the plane ride, and print out all the recipes we said we enjoyed.
She reminds me in every way of the woman described in Proverbs 31
10. [b]A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.
16. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29. “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
30. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
And what of her other daughter? The older one? She is well on her way to have it all; with her mother as a role model she is learning compassion, loving-kindness, and service, while she also happens to be endowed with some lucky genes and looks quite like Audrey Hepburn. She watches her mother care for her younger sister. This young lady is the best big sister anyone could ever wish they had. She cares for her sister, helps her mother, and even helps cook. She is fiercely protective of her younger sister, fun, loyal, and my boys consider her the most fun person on earth, and their best friend, because she played with them for hours.
And just to round out this picture, let's not forget to mention the father of the family. He does such a good job providing for his family that it allows my friend to stay home and care for their daughters. The love and concern he has for his daughters is palpable, and even though he was also very worried about his youngest daughter, he opened his home to us, so we could have a comfortable place to stay during our vacation.
I give you this family then as the solution to society's problems. How wonderful would it be to grow up in a family like this? To have a mother and father care for each other and their children? To have the dad support his wife, and the wife take pride and joy in caring for her children and for others. to find fulfillment and joy in caring for those she comes in contact with? This is the kind of family that can help society come back into balance. Are they perfect? Of course not. Do they have no problems? Of course not. But it is how they choose to see their problems as stepping stones that makes them special. My friend makes this world a better place, and she inspires people to become better. I know I want to be a better person because of her, and while I was looking frantically for a way to repay her for her kindness, and match her thoughtfulness in gift giving, I realized, those are talents she has long cultivated, and I will never possess them in equal measure. I do however love to write, so I honor her with this tribute.
You know who you are. You are awesome. I love you lots.
