Price beyond rubies-Tribute to a friend, or The Solution to Society's problems

We have just returned from our vacation in Seattle, Washington. We left the same night as the Academy Awards were being held. At the airport I saw magazines plastered with whom society has elected to elevate and celebrate: the beautiful, the skinny, the perpetually young, the women in see through dresses, with necklines that plunge all the way to the navel. Women who thanks to a lucky gene pool (and let's face it an army of hairdressers, make up artists, plastic surgeons, and personal trainers) appear to look inhumanly beautiful. On top of that, they are fantastic actresses with phenomenal skills in make belief.
As a teenager in Switzerland I used to stay up late to watch the live broadcast of the Oscars at 3 am. I idolized these beauties. I wanted to be like them. How much has changed? Sometimes I laugh at my ridiculous idolization at the time. Now as an adult, I wonder, why exactly do we make such a big deal out of people who look pretty? We reward people with attention for dressing up in expensive clothes, and hand them golden statues, because they are really good at pretending to be someone they are not. And just because they are pretty we want to know what they have to say about the world's problems, society's woes, and about current politics. Very few of these beauties have actually completed a full education. And an alarming amount of them are not capable of completing a coherent sentence without cursing. How many of them stay faithful in their marriage vows (if they even get married), how many raise their children themselves, without an army of nannies? How many of them succumb to drugs, alcoholism, and other addictions? Why exactly are their examples worth celebrating?

Let me give you an alternative example of a woman to celebrate. This woman does not wear size 2, and yet she has a lovely feminine shape. She does not wear her hair to the latest fashion, or apply mountains of make up. And yet she is beautiful, authentic, real, any time of the day. She does not wear the most expensive clothes, but she looks elegant and well groomed. This woman is my friend. In fact, she is everyone's friend. No one in her vicinity is left untouched by her generosity, care, and kindness. She is intelligent, and educated. She has two beautiful daughters. The younger one is a very sick, beautiful girl, who not only has autism, but several other health problems. She cares for her at home. She has a team of workers to help run a Son-Rise program for her daughter. She leaves no stone unturned to help her daughter's life become better, more pleasant. Her free time is often spent cataloguing her daughter's every move, detailing the conversations she has with the many doctors and therapists she comes in contact with, and doing hours of research to find more ways to help her girl. Thousands of dollars are spent not on expensive clothes and personal trainers, but on therapies, medication, and good nutrition. She believes in her, she loves her, she encourages her, and never loses patience (well, not that I saw anyway).  She is of good cheer most of the time. And even when she is woken up at 2-5 am for months at a time and has to forgo sleep, she manages to get up and serve others. She remembers any small detail you tell her about yourself. While we stayed at her house, she was the perfect hostess, cooking all meals for us. Now, if that doesn't seem like a big deal to you, you have to remember that cooking a special diet that doesn't include anything processed (and omits nuts, gluten, casein, and grains), and often relies on hours of preparation, you might know that this means hours of work. But my friend didn't even get flustered, it seemed by the extra load. As if that wasn't enough, she would dote on us and the kids with healthy drinks, snacks, and food, and buy them presents. And even though she was worried sick about her daughter who was really not feeling well, and even after spending nights in the ER, she would still get up and make us breakfast, pack sack lunches for the plane ride, and print out all the recipes we said we enjoyed.
She reminds me in every way of the woman described in Proverbs 31

10. [b]A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.

11. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

12. She brings him good, not harm,  all the days of her life.

13. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

14. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

15. She gets up while it is still night;  she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.  

16. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17. She sets about her work vigorously;  her arms are strong for her tasks.

18. She sees that her trading is profitable,  and her lamp does not go out at night.

19. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20. She opens her arms to the poor  and extends her hands to the needy.

21. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

26. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

29. “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

30. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

And what of her other daughter? The older one? She is well on her way to have it all; with her mother as a role model she is learning compassion, loving-kindness, and service, while she also happens to be endowed with some lucky genes and looks quite like Audrey Hepburn. She watches her mother care for her younger sister. This young lady is the best big sister anyone could ever wish they had. She cares for her sister, helps her mother, and even helps cook. She is fiercely protective of her younger sister, fun, loyal, and my boys consider her the most fun person on earth, and their best friend, because she played with them for hours.
And just to round out this picture, let's not forget to mention the father of the family. He does such a good job providing for his family that it allows my friend to stay home and care for their daughters. The love and concern he has for his daughters is palpable, and even though he was also very worried about his youngest daughter, he opened his home to us, so we could have a comfortable place to stay during our vacation.

I give you this family then as the solution to society's problems. How wonderful would it be to grow up in a family like this? To have a mother and father care for each other and their children? To have the dad support his wife, and the wife take pride and joy in caring for her children and for others. to find fulfillment and joy in caring for those she comes in contact with?  This is the kind of family that can help society come back into balance. Are they perfect? Of course not. Do they have no problems? Of course not. But it is how they choose to see their problems as stepping stones that makes them special. My friend makes this world a better place, and she inspires people to become better. I know I want to be a better person because of her, and while I was looking frantically for a way to repay her for her kindness, and match her thoughtfulness in gift giving, I realized, those are talents she has long cultivated, and I will never possess them in equal measure. I do however love to write, so I honor her with this tribute.

You know who you are. You are awesome. I love you lots.

Can Mormons have more than one wife? And do they?

Here is another little Mormon Trivia for the day. I realize that there are way more important doctrinal issues to clarify than this one, but since this is one of the major misconceptions about Mormons, and crazy Warren Jeffs is in the news again, I thought it a good opportunity to set the record straight. Now please know, that the following is not an official church sanctioned message. This is simply how I as a faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints deal with the issue of polygamy in our church history, and why I do not leave the church just because at one point it did practice polygamy.

So first some facts:

• Yes, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints did practice polygamy at one point in their history. 
• Not everyone was required to marry more than one wife. It was given through revelation and commandment and usually only to leaders. 
• The church discontinued the practice on 26 September 1890. 
• The law (called the law of chastity) by which the members of the church live and are judged today is to not have sex before marriage and be completely faithful during marriage. If someone commits adultery but confesses and repents, typically they get disfellowshipped for a while (which means they are not allowed to take the sacrament, or hold any service positions in the church), or they get excommunicated (which means their names are taken off the records of the church). Depending on the severity of the sin, he/she is either disfellowshipped or excommunicated. However, the idea in this action is not to shun the person and treat him/her as an outcast, but to help them repent, and change their ways. Everyone who wants support will get support. (So for you looking to join the "Mormon Church" so you can have more than one wife, you're looking to the wrong religion.)

First of all the idea of sharing my husband is completely repulsive to me in my current understanding. I do however accept that in this life I do not have a perfect understanding, and so for now I would rather not worry about it. I also had issues with the patriarchs in the Bible having more than one wife, without ever seeming to explain why that was OK. Whenever I have a question such as this "Why would God allow polygamy?" I always look in the scriptures to find my answers, and then I pray about it. I recognize my answers from God in this way: I feel peaceful and clear in my mind, not confused.

There is a chapter in the Book of Mormon written by Jacob, a prophet. In this chapter he chastises the members of the church because of pride. And then he goes on to chastise them for their whoredoms. So this is what he says:
 24 Behold, David and ^aSolomon truly had many ^bwives and concubines, which thing was ^cabominable before me, saith the Lord.

 25 Wherefore, thus saith the Lord, I have led this people forth out of the land of Jerusalem, by the power of mine arm, that I might raise up unto me a ^arighteous branch from the fruit of the loins of Joseph.
 26 Wherefore, I the Lord God will not suffer that this people shall do like unto them of old.
 27 Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any ^aman among you have save it be^bone ^cwife; and concubines he shall have none;

OK, so here we have it. As I believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God, I can see clearly here that the commandment of God is to have only one wife. So, the question then is of course, well why did they have more than one wife in the history of the church and in the bible? Isn't that a contradiction?

A little later in the same chapter, God explains the one exception. 

30 For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up ^aseed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things.

For those who are unfamiliar with scriptural language "raise up seed" means to have children, usually for the purpose of growing a population. So that tells me that polygamy is a means to an end, an exception to the law to fulfill God's purpose. 

So the question to me is, what were the circumstances back in 1800's that led God to command the leaders of the church back then to have more than one wife?
The "Mormons" were persecuted in the US almost like the Jews in Europe. There was nothing short of full blown genocide in the works with the extermination order in Missouri.

They were driven from place to place starting in Palmyra New York. Wherever they went mobs would gather, rape their women and children, tar and feather, torture, and kill their men, and burn their families alive. In addition to that the treacherous treck into unknown territory fleeing from religious persecution claimed the lives of thousands through starvation, freezing, and illness. In addition to that many of the men joined the Mormon Battalion which was a volunteer unit of the US military to assist the government in the Mexican American war, despite the fact that up to that point the government hadn't helped the Mormons in the least and put no stop to the religious persecution. Many women and children were left husband and fatherless. In order to grow His church, and ensure the many widows were taken care of at the same time, I believe God commanded the leaders to marry more than one wife. It is my personal belief that for the most part that was neither easy for the leaders, their first wives, nor for those who were given to them as wives. I do believe however that the most important thing God gave everyone is free agency. And just like we have the choice to keep his commandments now or disregard them, they had the choice back then as well to follow that specific commandment. Once the church was established in the West and had grown sufficiently strong, God revoked his commandment and had the church return back to the original order of things.

So, that is how I have come to terms with this part of our history. I hope that after reading this, you will no longer be confused on the subject of polygamy and Mormons.

Then if Mormons don't practice polygamy who are these people living in the desert, claiming to be Mormons and practice polygamy, and who is Warren Jeffs? Warren Jeffs is the self-proclaimed prophet of the Fundamentalists that call themselves Mormons. Like with any religion there are people who misinterpret what is being said, and they take it too far. So when God through his prophet did away with plural marriage law, not everyone believed this was truly from God. So they broke away from the Church of Jesus Christ of latter Day Saints, and created their own church, using some ideas they had gotten and distorting them, like claiming unless a man married three women he could not make it into Heaven. It's really religion gone bad, just like The Spanish Inquisition, The Crusades, or The Jihad. These are all fundamentalists who take a religious pretext to serve their own purposes. Christ warned us that in the 'last days' false prophets would arise, claiming to have the truth in Matthew 7.

 15 ¶Beware of ^afalse prophets, which come to you in ^bsheep’s clothing, but ^cinwardly they are ravening ^dwolves... 18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.... 20 Wherefore by their ^afruits ye shall know them.  

What this scripture means is: if they are good, they will do good. If they are evil, they will do evil, and you can know what kind they are by looking at their works. I can tell you this much though: the loving God I know and believe in would never ask people to kill themselves and innocent people to accomplish his purposes (remember those commandments: Thou shalt not kill, love thy neighbor as thyself, do good to those who spitefully use you?), or to burn people who were trying to understand his written words in the bible, or to cast out your own children, especially the sons, and leave them on the highway, so there are enough young girls for a man to marry. The kind of God I know and believe in loves all of his children, even the ones who are rebellious, even the ones who don't believe in him. He loves us all so much that He was willing to give the life of his only begotten Son so we could ALL return back to him. As a parent if I could have one or both of my sons with me in Heaven, I would want both. And the children who are rebellious, you don't love them less, you want even more for them to get their life in order. So I hope that after reading this, that none of my friends of other faiths remain confused on this subject. 

To read the whole chapter of Jacob 2 see here: http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/jacob/2?lang=eng

Getting Lasik in Turkey

So you're considering having your eyes fixed. DO IT! It's awesome.
You wonder where you should have it done, and want the best? Go to Turkey.
There, that was the short version of this blog post.

Why did I go to Turkey of all places? It's cheaper and they have more experienced doctors. I first found a clinic here to test my eyes for free to verify that I qualified for Lasik. I did. They quoted me about 3500 Euros in price for both eyes getting Femto Lasik with wavefront (I recommend you google Femto Lasik and the various Lasik operations. There is no point in me rewriting all the info out there.) The health insurance would cover 500 Euros of the price, but only at one of their clinics that they contract with. In Turkey I paid 1660 Euros for the same surgery, and got 3 nights at a cute hotel and a tour of the city. And the surgery was performed by one of the most experienced surgeons in all of Europe. So that's why I opted for Turkey. It was my first experience in a Muslim country. The reason it's so much cheaper is because they do more surgeries, and they pay their workers less.

So here is my experience with Blu-medi Travel. It is nicely set up. They work exclusively with Dr. Nusret Bas who has a clinic in Rotterdam and Istanbul. I chose Istanbul nonetheless because I wanted to have some alone time, travel somewhere new, and even with hotel and flight it was still cheaper than Rotterdam. I booked my flight to Ataturk (which I really recommend, because traffic is awful, especially coming from the other airport 2.5 hours away).
Charming Demet picked me up from the airport with a little sign. The driver took us to the hotel and she made sure I was set up before leaving me with the information booklet about the surgery, schedule, and some interesting sight seeing points to see.

On the day of the surgery our group was taken to the hospital around 12:00 pm. We sat around for a large part of that afternoon, waiting to get our eyes checked. We had three checks, one of which was performed by Dr. Bas himself. Then we each went into surgery one after another. I was very nervous, but once the eye drops were in I didn't feel much. Demet was there to translate in English and reassure me. The best word I can use to describe the operation itself is trippy. It wasn't really painful. They have to put a little metal brace into the eye to keep it open. That was quite uncomfortable, but again, not painful and it didn't last long. Then when the laser opened the eye I just felt pressure and I saw these cool little laser beams that looked like tiny stars. The whole experience lasted for about 20 minutes. It felt even faster than that. The most painful part of the surgery was taking off the surgical mask they put over my cheeks and forehead. It was like having my face waxed, but then again I was more bothered than others, because I have sensitive skin. After the surgery my vision was hazy. It was uncomfortable to have my eyes open. We waited with closed eyes and sunglasses, in a darkened room for everyone to finish, got our medication, a cake and juice. and got driven back to the hotel, which took about 30 minutes. I got to my room at around 5:00 pm and followed the clinic's advice to take painkillers and get plenty of rest. I slept until the next morning at 7 am. The best way I can describe how your eyes feel after surgery is this: if you've ever worn contacts before, it's like you put them in early in the morning, and forgot about them until the next morning. If you have never worn contacts: it's like having sand in your eyes. What felt best was just to keep my eyes closed. Also being exposed to cold air felt very soothing. I was practically the only one who chose to rest and stay in the hotel. Everybody else went out to eat and drink. They didn't do so well the next day (honestly who drinks alcohol the day they have surgery?) I woke up and could see. After breakfast we were picked up and driven back to the clinic for a check up with Dr. Bas. He checked our eyes, and pronounced us seeing. After that we had lunch and got a fun city tour. The sticky contact lens feeling stayed with me for three days. Now as I'm writing this it's been almost a week, and I don't feel the lens feeling anymore, but my eyes do get dry easily, so I just keep on putting the natural tear drops in.
It takes a while for the vision to settle in, I've been told, but the very next day I could see better and more detailed than I ever have before, even with glasses or lenses. I highly recommend it to anyone. The pain is not dramatic, just kind of uncomfortable.

I chose to have Femto-Lasik because my contacts were hurting my eyes, and I couldn't stand glasses. Also, with my astigmatism my contacts constantly rotated, so I could see nothing at all when they weren't lined up right, and the only company that made my exact lens prescription charged $80 for one monthly lens. Projected lifetime savings in eye care: 33,400 Euros.
I wanted to have this done when I was 20 years old, but back then the surgery was pretty new, so I thought I would give them time to practice it and figure it out, which they have. I will save up money for my boys to have their eyes done when they are 18, because it will save them so much money in the long run.

Merry Christmas! Even if you're not Christian!

I vowed not to get stressed out this Christmas, and yet here I am two nights before Christmas and I am stressed out about all the things I haven't gotten to do yet, because my kids are at each other's throats and so worked up about getting presents soon, that they are just a wee bit hyper...I mean more than the usual ADHD craziness that goes on around here. The Dutch have it figured out pretty nicely actually. For Christmas here there are no presents. They do the whole getting presents from Santa Clause on December 5th. Except they call him Sinterklaas, and instead of living at the North Pole, relying on airborne reindeer hitched up to a magic sleigh for transportation and a magical bag of toys that some wormhole connects to a large stash of toys back at the pole, Sinterklaas rides a white stallion. He lives in the balmy climate of Spain, and takes a steamboat up to the Netherlands, which is commandeered by his slave boys, called black Petes (they all have the same name), who also carry the presents and stuff them in the shoes the kids leave out over night in front of their door. That way the Dutch get all the gift giving out of the way early in December and are free to celebrate Christmas as the birth of Christ.

So here I am, writing a post instead of wrapping presents, baking special cookies that I know I should probably not be baking anyway, to do a bit of stress relief and clear my mind of the thoughts that have been churning in it ever since I walked my youngest son to his class and saw the Christmas tree and the four advent candles out.
As you may or may not know the Netherlands is a fairly secular country. However, my youngest son goes to a protestant school. They pray every morning. They learn stories from the bible. We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter Day Saints. I agree with a lot the Protestants do, but think that there is more they could know about. However, I am grateful that M can learn bible stories in school. I'm thrilled that the teachers and the whole school gets into the Christmas spirit by making cards and cookies for a Christmas sale, the proceeds of which went to a local charity. The kids help decorate the tree, they learn songs about the birth of Christ, the angels and shepherds, they give each other presents and cards, and the teachers show them how to properly shake someone's hand, and wish them merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I was further impressed by the Christmas programs they put on in their respective churches. I first attended M's and then this morning E's. Both were well attended by the parents, and everyone was enjoying their kids sing about Jesus, reenact the nativity, and randomly enough, doing choreographed dances to Jingle Bell Rock while wearing a Santa hat.
Yes, I said everyone was enjoying and participating, including the Muslims. About a third of M's school friends are Muslim and for E's school I think there are perhaps a quarter. In fact the population demographic predicts that by 2020 there will be more Muslims in the Netherlands than Dutch. Yet here they are celebrating Christmas along with their children in a Christian church. I couldn't help but think of America and what has happened to our Christian country. We have let the Scrooges take over! 

Every 24th of December, whenever it was possible I watch A Christmas Carol. If you are familiar with this timeless classic you might notice that Dickens' story isn't about religion really. Sure, he closes with "God bless us everyone"! That includes every congregation, regardless of which God you believe in (or don't). Scrooge (the main character) was unhappy, selfish, and only concerned about profit and wealth. The Christmas spirits open his eyes to what he has been missing. He sees that early in his childhood he was left to study, instead of spending Christmas with his parents. He became bitter and angry. He was so concerned about what others thought of him and gaining recognition and status that he ended up thinking only about himself. The Spirits of Christmas teach him about the joy of giving to others, happiness in embracing merriment, and kindness to those in need. They teach him to open up the curtain he's been hiding behind and embrace the cheer around him. And he does and not only is he happier for it, but so is everyone else.

I feel like America has been subjected to mass-Scrooge-ing. Why do people in the US choose to be so offended by different beliefs and traditions? How come the Dutch can all gather together and have a great time celebrating a Christian tradition (technically a pagan tradition, and lets face it, in America at times a consumer tradition). Happy Kwanzaa, happy Hanukkah, happy Santa Clause day? Who cares. A party is a party. It doesn't matter whether you believe in it or not. In fact, I think that under close examination you'll find that a lot of Christians don't believe in Christ being literally the Son of God, and some celebrate Santa Clause more than Christ, and a lot of Jews keep their tradition because they are, well...Tradition (humm tune to Fiddler on the Roof opening song). Christmas is a tradition of coming together and thinking more of others. Charles Dickens got that when he wrote A Christmas Carol. If I'm invited to a Muslim Holiday, I will happily join and learn about their holiday. In fact, if I ever move to a Muslim country, I will respect and enjoy their holidays with them, and continue our own Thanksgiving and Christmas in my house. This doesn't threaten my belief. I stand firm in my faith. I have several Jewish friends from High school. I was thrilled to go to a Synagogue with my friend once, and I would still love to experience a genuine passover. So I invite you all who do celebrate Christmas: don't be afraid of offending people by saying merry Christmas. The US is a Christian country and it's their choice to take offense. We don't need to let them take over congress, hold protest marches, get people fired because of their non-belief. Don't back down because of Scrooges. Remember, in the end he changed and became the best merry-maker of all. And to you who feel the need to shoot down or glare at anyone who wishes you merry Christmas, feel the need to sue a school, county, or harass someone for not thinking as you do, I invite you to stop looking for offense where only kindness was meant. After all, people are wishing you merriness. They could instead be saying "have a lonely and miserable day off." Just because you don't want to be merry doesn't mean everyone else has to stop having parties. Take offense or take part, that's your choice! A party is a party! And if you want to be a party pooper and go around saying Bah Humbug to everything you don't believe in, I invite you to watch A Christmas Carol this year. My favorite is the Muppet Christmas Carol. Tomorrow morning I will get to watch it with the kids. And with that I leave you, to go wrap presents and practice for our caroling tomorrow night and wish you all a very merry Christmas.

Diet a religious dilemma?

I think at this point I could write an opera script about diets. Or a soap opera. It probably wouldn't get very good ratings, although there would be a fair amount of drama associated. Hm, perhaps reality TV is the way to go on that.

OK, if you follow my blog at all since my passionate post about the GAPS diet and how every parent of an autistic child should immediately do it, you know that although the diet has helped us get our kids eating a greater variety of food and we have healthier options, this diet has not been working for us. Ezra's behavior is getting more and more difficult. I read through all the FAQ on the gaps diet website to find answers, I contacted the clinic of the author to schedule an appointment, and they told me that she's no longer taking patients, and to read the book and the FAQ on the website. GREAT! That was helpful...NOT.

Anyway, I still think the theory about the gut flora being out of balance is a good one, and research definitely shows that the intestinal tracts of autistic children are severely compromised. So clearly something must be done to heal and seal the gut. But I'm starting to doubt, and always have that consuming massive amounts of meat, eggs, and animal fat are really the solution. To be fair, of course Dr. Campbell-Mcbride doesn't recommend "massive" amounts, but still, that's pretty much all the kids will eat. It makes sense that the bad bacteria needs to be starved of it's nutrition source (i.e. complex carbs). But on the other hand if the body is fighting chronic inflammation, how can consuming meat and fat, which are supposedly inflammatory going to make that any better, even if they are organically raised and grass fed?

I guess my real dilemma comes from my religious conviction. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter day Saints. I believe God reveals truths to prophets today just like he did in times of old. In 1833 a prophet called Joseph Smith received a revelation regarding the health and well-being of members. It's a code by which I live, called the word of wisdom. It counsels people to abstain from tobacco, alcohol, coffee, tea (black tea) and drugs (by the way one of the reasons we are counseled to abstain from them is not only because they can cause addiction and are bad for the body, but because of evil conspiring men. How true is that considering drug cartels, tobacco industry etc?) It also counsels people to eat liberally of plants and grains (wheat being especially good for man), use moderation on fruits, and eat meat of animals and fowls sparingly, only in winter and times of famine. This revelation isn't entirely new. The same kind of dietary suggestions can be found throughout the Old and New Testament. Now if you know LDS people at all, you know that they stick pretty well to the "don't" part, but do whatever they like with the "do". In fact, it's fair to say that sugar is the Mormon drug of choice. There is practically no social gathering that doesn't involve food. Anyway, getting off track here. 

SOO, my issue has been, if wheat is supposed to be good for us, then why is my kid allergic to gluten? Or what about all the other allergy sufferers, celiacs, etc? Of course, this revelation was given in 1833 and back then wheat was still soaked, fermented, and ground in a way to make it easily digestible, not like the highly processed stuff they have today. Our environment has changed a lot since then and we have so many more pollutants and toxins our body has to deal with. And who knows that the amount of exercise and fresh air they got back then didn't fortify their immune system in a way to never bring up digestive issues. I do believe God wants us to use common sense, and our brains to figure out what is right for ourselves. After all, the word of wisdom is a guideline. But now I'm really at the point where I just can't get any further. 

There are so many diets out there and they all claim to help, and often they advocate the exact opposite of each other. In fact, I think the one thing they all agree on is that all the chemical additives, food dyes, pesticides, and so on should be avoided at all costs. Which one is the right one? Feingold, GFCF, TCM, HDN, anti-histamine, GAPS, SCD, Body Ecology, Paleo, South Beach, Atkins, Vegan, Vegetarian, Macrobiotics? 

I need a revelation!

Food Fights and Autism

So here is a video of Ezra tonight having a hard time choosing Option number 2 (see below for explanation). Granny made dinner. When you watch the video, just consider that Ezra has eaten and liked beef in all sorts of shapes and preparation methods before, and he likes it...usually.
As most of you know we use the Son-Rise program at our house. Or at least we pretend to. Really, if you do Son-Rise it's like a life philosophy. Anyway, there is one area where I use more ABA and that is in the area of food. Sometimes I regret going this route, because as is the problem with ABA it doesn't really build relationship or teach them how to love and want to do something (i.e. eat food that is good for them).
Ezra was such a picky eater that he wouldn't accept anything at all unless he got some kind of reward or treat for it. One of the tricky things about doing a GAPS diet for both kids is that I can't use different standards for the kids. Not really. And at first it was actually my younger typically developing son who had a harder time and would throw tantrums before trying a new food. Now he pretty much will try a little bit of everything, but it still takes a while. I started using a dry erase board every time they had a tantrum. I drew a line down the middle and explained to them they had two options.

Option 1:
Cry, scream, hit, throw food, yell, not eat! -->Result: hungry, cranky, nothing else to eat, and eat whatever they didn't eat for breakfast, lunch. And they will also have wasted a lot of my time and energy, which means I won't have much left to play with them after dinner.
Option 2:
Just try a bit of everything, eat most of your food, get more yummy food. -->Result: feel full, happy, and we'll have more time to play together afterwards.


For Micah and Ezra writing things down really helps them understand better what they need to do, to arrive at the result they want. I have started applying the practice of drawing up their options into other areas of our life. I want them to learn that our actions determine our results. If I was the ideal mom I would be able to stay calm and supportive during every break down they have, sadly, I fall short of that ideal  multiple times a day. I'm working on it though.

GAPS...so far no luck!

We have been following the full GAPS diet for almost three months now. It seems like my life is all about food these days. I'm not even following the diet anymore myself. It is so much effort and so expensive, that I would rather have my kids eat the special food, than waste it on myself. After all I am a functioning adult, and other than obesity and mood swings, my health is fine. There is always the little mommy fear My-kids-are-going-to-starve in the back of my mind, and so when they ask me for food after finishing theirs, and my serving is all I have, I would rather give it to them, knowing that I can also survive on something else, if I need to (which is what I have been doing, and the scale is showing it). On the other hand I'm also trying to teach them that they can't just throw a tantrum and get what they want. I make it clear that what I put on the table is what they can eat, and otherwise they will be hungry. So often times, they actually end up a bit hungry, because they refuse to eat. They ask me for food non-stop. It's really aggravating. Ezra is especially obsessed with food. There seems to be no off-switch in his brain, when it comes to eating. He craves fruit like a drug addict craves heroine.

I am in the kitchen so much. I get up in the morning and spend about 1.5 hours in the kitchen. The night before I also spend about an hour after dinner making lunches and preparing breakfasts. That's not including the hour I spend in the kitchen making dinner. What on earth takes so long, you might wonder? Well, if you have to warm up the broth in the pan not the microwave, make fresh juice in the juicer, grind the nuts, and the pancake batter in the food processor, you end up having a lot of dishes to clean. Besides all the ingredients have to be homemade, so there is also a fair amount of prep work that goes into having the ingredients for the foods I make. For example nuts need to be soaked for 8-12 hours in salt water, then drained using a sieve, dried for several hours (ideally overnight) in the dehydrator, and ground into flour in the food processor. It takes organization and time to do GAPS. I'm not very organized. Still, all this work would be worth it if it could heal Ezra's stomach, his ADHD and his autism. IF...Sadly, it's not actually working. All the symptoms that should go away with GAPS are still there, and possibly worse than before. In the last two months we have seen in Ezra

• increase in skin rashes
• hyperactivity increase and decrease in focus and attention span
• aggression and decrease in use of language
• painful stomach and undigested food in poop
• increased obsession with food
  

It is sadly possible that we just aren't doing the GAPS diet right. We are on the what is called Full GAPS diet. There is an intro-phase, and technically you shouldn't move past the intro phase until your patient has been symptom free for 6 months. I suspect that if consulted a GAPS practitioner they would point out that Ezra is getting way too much fruit and honey, possibly can't tolerate a lot of eggs, nuts, coconut, and ghee, and that we need to put him on the intro, give him meat broth before every meal, soup once a day, and highly boiled vegetables and meat, until he has sufficiently detoxed, and only then move into full GAPS. I'm also fairly certain they would point out that the non-organic veggies and fruit we feed him are high in pesticides. Dr.Campbell even mentions in her book that GAPS patients can be so sensitive to those pesticides that they really don't improve until it is all out of their diet. And my friend who also has an autistic child would point out that the foods we are giving him are high in salicylates and phenols and can cause all the above reactions. But what can I do? Micah thrives on a high carbohydrate diet. His challenges are helped with more carbs. How can I give him a banana and tell Ezra he may have boiled carrots instead? And how can I watch my child weep, when all the other kids get to have things he can't? It sucks!

Nonetheless I have to admit that in some ways GAPS is simpler than gluten free, casein free, and much healthier. I wouldn't want to go back to GFCF. At least now I know that my kids are getting a wide variety of healthy foods, versus all highly processed carbs. And once you learn about what evil corporations put into food to make it cheap and maximize profit I really don't want to feed my kids that garbage. Ideally my kids could just eat anything. Still, life is more complicated this way. Making nut butter and honey sandwiches for the kids school lunch takes over an hour (with baking the special bread, or 24 hours if you count the time it takes to prepare the nut butter), whereas I can make a sandwich with normal bread and spread in 20 seconds. I don't know what to do, honestly. The science and research behind GAPS makes total sense. It would be so helpful though if we could actually have things confirmed with true practitioners and blood tests or whatever, instead of me having to figure out everything by myself.