The Dog Experiment

My week as a dog owner was very interesting. For one thing I figured out that I'm really more of a cat person, because I prefer their independence. And picking up poop is kind of gross. It might be the size of the dog though, and perhaps I just need a dog that doesn't follow me around everywhere so I can trip over yet another body lying around the floor (I'm referring obviously to my live kids who trail me everywhere, not the dead bodies I keep stashed away on my floor).
The most interesting insight I had into a dog owner's life is that I was suddenly in the "in"-club. I have been going walking in the beautiful Joe Mannweg Forest all year with my kids. Both boys loved Lea and they generally love all dogs. They show their enthusiasm by jumping up and down, laughing, screaming, running up to them and asking (well we're working on that part) to pet them. There were always some friendly people who would give them a little smile and let them pet their dog. Some exceptionally awesome people even let Ezra throw a ball for the dog to fetch it, but in general people gave me the keep-your-psychotic-kids-away-from-my-dog-look. During our week with Lea we walked her every day in that same forest. This time however I was no longer the dog-less mom with psycho kids. Suddenly people were smiling, returning my greetings, and nodding in Lea's direction when she would have a little sniff-up with her fellow four-legged friends. Keep in mind here that this is the same forest, same kids, same trail, same behavior (if anything more exuberant), but now I was getting the benevolent look-how-much-those-kids-love-their-dog-they're-so-cute-look. Perhaps this immediate acceptance comes from a knowledge of what it takes to be a dog owner, the early walks, the training, the brushing, feeding, picking up poop, snuggling, and loving your pet. Perhaps it's just an immediate visual commonality that makes the unfamiliar less threatening. I miss that part.
I'm glad Lea is back with her owner, although I miss the walks with my kids who are now not as motivated to go to the forest and that unspoken bond that people dog owners seem to share.

 I love how Ezra got so used to Lea that he wanted to have contact with her all the time.

 I'm grateful I got to take pictures with my iPod but I wish it would have done the incredible winter light justice. It was truly magical.

 Our favorite place here, the Joe Mannweg forest.

Borrowed Dog

I now have an 8 year old golden retriever lying right outside my living room door. Her name is Leah. She is affectionate, sweet, and currently snoring. I'm taking care of her for a week while her owner is on vacation. The idea is also to see if we want to get a dog. Golden Retrievers and Labradors are of course highly trainable. We had considered the idea of a service dog for Ezra, as they are used more and more for autistic children. We stopped short however at the amount of work training a dog takes, and the alternative of buying a fully trained dog was not financially feasible at $15,000 per dog. Frankly I'd rather buy a horse for that money...a good one. And some fish. Several parents have reported that having a dog helped their child relate more.
I also thought that having a dog would force me to exercise. So far our experiment has proved true on both accounts. Last night I went for a 20 minute walk despite below 0 temperatures, and today with equally chilling weather we went for a one hour walk in the forest with the kids. Running after Leah and throwing sticks for her to catch, motivated the children much more, than just trotting after me. At first Ezra was afraid of the dog. He spent this morning with granny as I had to go to my first day at my new job. It still feels weird that I'm not a working mom. Anyway, when Leah was lying down, Granny got him to get closer and closer to her, until he lay snuggled up next to her. After that, I really could see that his eye contact started increasing during the day. During our walk he even held a hand on Leah's back and ran along side her for 10 minutes. Tonight after dinner he wanted her to come play outside with him. These are all spontaneous interactions. Another plus I didn't consider is that Micah likes having a buddy to hug and play with. He loves animals and gets a very soft cute voice when he talks to them.
Minuses? I don't like having my hands smell like dog, the hair gets everywhere, and I'm not a huge fan of the begging for food.

Kindness from strangers

I'm back in the US for the Son-Rise intensive treatment for Ezra. In the past few days I've been struck by the difference in the culture here and in the Netherlands and what an impact little acts of kindness make.
Here are some small things people did yesterday that made me take note and marvel at what an impact friendliness and kindness make:

1. A woman in her 60s held the door open for us when she saw Ezra and I approach.
2. A clerk in the store overheard me saying that those massive carts, the ones with the car attachment for kids, was hard to navigate, so he went and got me a different one, and told me not to worry about it.
3. The clerk in the post office was so friendly and helpful, smiled at us, joked with us, and helped us find the right packet for the things we had to mail.
4. When I was pulling out of a parking spot the guy in the car behind us stopped instead of trying to speed past us, and gave us a friendly you-first-wave.
5. A clerk in the health food store immediately stopped what she was doing when I asked her for help in finding Stevia. 

Perhaps these acts are just part of the American customer service mentality. Perhaps they are cultural. I've certainly witnessed the same kind of courtesy and friendliness in other countries, and in turn have experienced unfriendly behavior at times in the US.It is so pleasant it when people are friendly. And it feels better to be friendly with others. Every emotion, every feeling has a physical effect in our body. Anger raises the blood pressure. Stress increases our adrenalin levels. Love manifests in form of dopamine in the brain, which feels good. When we choose to be angry, unkind, or friendly we really are choosing how we want to feel in our body. Acting angry or unfriendly rarely motivates someone else to change, and really in the end hurts only our own bodies, and our own happiness. One of the key teachings at the Option institute and in the Son-Rise program is that happiness is a choice. That means, others don't MAKE us angry by being rude. We choose to be angry about that. Others don't make us happy by being kind. We choose how we want to feel. One of my husband's favorite quotes is: You can make yourself happy, or you can make yourself miserable. Either way it's the same amount of work." One way doesn't take more time than the other. And even if being friendly did take three seconds more, it might just increase your joy in living. 

It may not seem like a big deal if someone opens the door for you, but I think that many small acts of kindness done especially to strangers, when no one else is watching, define where we stand as a society. Imagine if everyone was kind to strangers, if everyone was friendly and polite? What a pleasant place would that be?

This reminds me of something Elder D. Todd Christofferson said at a Conference:

The societies in which many of us live have for more than a generation failed to foster moral discipline. They have taught that truth is relative and that everyone decides for himself or herself what is right. Concepts such as sin and wrong have been condemned as “value judgments.” As the Lord describes it, “Every man walketh in his own way, and after the image of his own god” (D&C 1:16).

As a consequence, self-discipline has eroded and societies are left to try to maintain order and civility by compulsion. The lack of internal control by individuals breeds external control by governments. One columnist observed that “gentlemanly behavior [for example, once] protected women from coarse behavior. Today, we expect sexual harassment laws to restrain coarse behavior. …

“Policemen and laws can never replace customs, traditions and moral values as a means for regulating human behavior. At best, the police and criminal justice system are the last desperate line of defense for a civilized society. Our increased reliance on laws to regulate behavior is a measure of how uncivilized we’ve become.”² 

I get worried about the state of the world today, but when people take time to be kind, I always feel hopeful. I for one have decided that it feels good, and will take it back to the Netherlands where I know I'll have lots of opportunities to practice being kind.